Bulges and Black Suits

Posted by Prince Gomolvilas
ON Saturday, July 01, 2006

Reporting From San Francisco, California.

I've been itching to see the new Superman movie since Tuesday because, in many ways, I am Superman. I finally managed to go yesterday afternoon, shortly after Loren and his grotesque tongue and I hit San Francisco.

I liked the film, but it didn't blow me away. I guess I had really high expectations.

The movie moves rather slowly, and it's not as deep as it thinks it is (blah blah father-son stuff blah blah). And as much as I enjoy staring at Brandon Routh's crotch (news reports claim that the filmmakers had to digitally make it look smaller so that it wouldn't be distracting), two-and-a-half hours is much too long. The action sequences and effects were pretty great, Kevin Spacey is wicked good, and Parker Posey is simply delightful (I want to see her in a movie where she does nothing but eat cake), but I began to realize how ridiculous Superman is as a character, really. I mean, aside from Kryptonite, he's an invincible alien. Where's the complexity in that? The only thing stopping him from saving the entire world all the time is simple physics: he cannot be in two places at the same time. But he does make flying look fun, and I'm starting to accept tights as an acceptable fashion statement.

The real highlight yesterday was the trailer for Spider-Man 3. I creamed my jeans when I saw it. It is, already, hands down one of my favorite movies of all time, even though the movie doesn't even come out until next summer. I don't have to see it. I already know. I love it! This installment introduces the black suit! Yay yay yay!

If you have not seen Spider-Man 2 yet, holy shit, you have to rent it right now. It really is a fantastic Hollywood movie. It's exciting and eye-popping, yes, but it also boasts rather complex characters and relationships that transcend the genre and acts as a soul-stirring love letter to New York City. Alvin Sargent, who won an Oscar for Ordinary People, wrote the script.

As for Superman, I like visiting Brandon Routh's crotch on my own terms.

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