The Luxuries of Home

Reporting From Glendale, California.

When it's this hot, I don't leave the house until like 10 p.m. Why leave the house, really? I have everything I need here. Quick access to erotic art online to satisfy my carnal daily dose of The People's Court to give me a sense that there is justice in the world...stellar new albums from Johnny Cash (A Hundred Highways——perhaps the best in the American Recordings series) and Tom Petty (Highway Companion——a triumphant return to form after two albums I didn't care for)...swordfish...DVDs of Fantastic Four, Purple Rain, and Oriental rug in the middle of the living room that doubles as a dance floor so that can shake my booty to soulDecision's Faded:

...seemingly unlimted strawberry Italian sodas; comic books; the latest issue of The New Yorker; my phone which connects me to lead singers of pop-punk bands (Inverness); and 17 pounds of Pork Chop. Pork Chop, Pork Chop, Pork Chop, I love you! I don't care that people make fun of me and you. You are the closest I will ever come to having a human child. People don't understand that. Don't worry about it. They persecuted Jesus too.


  1. Okay, I was with you until you talked about shaking your boney booty. Have you no shame?

  2. Anonymous8/03/2006

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