Scrub Me Down and Scan Me Darkly

Reporting From Glendale, California.

Loren, Gabriel, and I went to Alcove in Los Feliz for dinner on Saturday. I do a pretty good job at avoiding deep fried foods (and batting crisscut fries out of Loren's grubby little paws), but I was suddenly struck with a craving for onion rings—so that's the side I ordered with my salmon sandwich. And hot damn, they were good. I was so greasy by the end of the meal that I felt like I needed a Silkwood scrub down to get the toxins off my body. My only saving grace is that I poured half a bottle of ketchup on the onion rings (anyone who dines with me regularly knows how much I love ketchup), so that counts as eating lots of vegetables, right? 'Cuz ketchup comes from tomatoes, right? Seriously. Wait a minute. I'm going to get up and go to the kitchen and bring back a bottle of ketchup.

[Seconds later....]

Hmm. It says here that "high fructose corn syrup" is one of the ingredients. Umm...that's a misprint, right?


Anyway, after dinner we went to go see Richard Linklater's A Scanner Darkly, which is Waking Life's kissing cousin. Linklater, one of my favorite filmmakers, uses a process called rotoscoping to animate live-action footage of a story based on a paranoia- and drug-fueled novel by sci-fi icon Philip K. Dick. The film is, well, trippy—diving into drug culture with the fervor of an addict. It's like Waking Life with a narrative, except the narrative is confusing and confounding. Sort of like if you were...on drugs! Oh my god, Linklater is a genius!

No, but seriously, it's a cool film, but it was far from giving me a mind-blowing experience on the level of what those magic cookies in my refrigerator are sure to give me if I ever decide to break open the Ziploc bag.

I should mention that neither Loren nor Gabriel wanted to see A Scanner Darkly. They headed into the evening fully intending to go to Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, but I told them I would rather die.

So they both sat there uncomfortably before A Scanner Darkly and eventually decided to ditch me and run over to the Vista to see Pirates. Since the the sequel is even longer than the original, I had to wait for Loren and Gabriel for an hour after A Scanner Darkly let out, and I spent my time wandering the streets of L.A. and ended up in a Blockbuster reading movie magazines.

They both thought Pirates was awful. Suckers.

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