Leave Us Alone, Michael Bolton: RECAPPING JUKEBOX STORIES WEEK 4

Not only do Brandon and I sing songs, tell stories, and sling pudding during every Jukebox Stories show, we are also acting coaches! On Thursday (11/30/06), Brandon convinced an actor to prepare for her upcoming audition for Federico Garcia Lorca's Blood Wedding by performing a scene from the play with me. Man, she really got into it, and so did I, and it was some damn riveting theater. I was horribly disappointed to discover, however, that my character dies at the end of the play. That means I don't show up in the sequel, Blood Honeymoon. (Wait a minute—is that Lorca or a horror movie?) I enjoy referencing Lorca in my blog because it makes me seem smarter than I actually am.

Actors, bring your monologues to the show, so we can do a sort of Monologue Idol, in which we will ridicule you and have the audience decide who wins and who loses. What fun to be ridiculed on stage by two guys who have nothing better to do! Perhaps you'll get pudding thrown at your head.

On Friday (12/01/06), we invited Brandon's drummer friend Dan onto stage. They put together a makeshift drum kit out of found objects—a music stand, a crate, a paper plate, a suitcase, fake flowers, a lint roller, etc. And they jammed on a couple of songs, while I played kazoo and an audience member blew air into partially filled liquor bottles. (Yes, you read that sentence correctly.)

On Saturday (12/02/06), our grand prize bingo winner received The Omen DVD and last week's leftover Michael Bolton album, which some girl rejected as her prize and left behind. The winner was a friend of Brandon's, so we gave him a ride back to San Francisco. After we dropped him off, we noticed that he left the goddamn Michael Bolton CD in the car! That's two grand prize bingo winners in a row to reject the Michael Bolton CD. We will try again this week to get rid of it because it causes cancer, and we have to get it out of our possession.

—Reporting From Glendale, California

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