Hot Russians, Hot Damn!

Posted by Prince Gomolvilas
ON Sunday, May 27, 2007
I should know better than to post information about a couple online videos featuring a hot Russian girl because I know that the Google ads on this page will automatically start promoting sites for Russian mail order brides. I know this because when I started blogging about my sister, ads for nasty Asian singles and the like started popping up. But what do I know? Maybe that's what the world wants, nasty Asian singles, and who am I to deny the world what it wants?

Anyway, a few weeks ago, Loren kicked me out of the apartment so that he could convert it into a makeshift sound stage. He was producing and shooting promotional videos for the upcoming release of Day Watch, the horror/fantasy/action sequel to—you guessed it—Night Watch.

Night Watch is an epic Russian movie about vampires. No, it's about shape-shifters. No, it's about time travel. Actually, I don't know what the hell the movie is about, and I've seen it twice. It's got some great effects, the cool factor is off the charts, and it boasts the most entertaining and sophisticated subtitles I've ever seen. That's right. Subtitles. You see, the subtitles are designed to work with the film and become part of the action. Neat stuff. But again, if somebody put a gun to my head, I still wouldn't be able to tell you anything about the plot and the characters, even though some Russian guy describes the story's entire mythology in the first few minutes of the film. I suppose I could log onto IMDb and let the teenage fanboys on the message boards deconstruct the whole thing for me, but at this point I really don't care. I mean, I didn't even like the movie.

So in the first promo video, this Russian girl named Natalya recaps what happened in Night Watch, and she makes it sound all so simple. Obviously, she hasn't seen the movie.

Loren is rather proud of the fact that promotional material for the highest-grossing Russian film release ever was shot in our apartment in Glendale, California, just a few blocks away from the mall. If the Russian ambassador ever wants to come take a look at where we're promoting his country's cinema, I'd be happy to buy him a Hot Dog on a Stick.

The second promo video is pretty amusing. Natalya gives a brief Russian language lesson, and her deadpan delivery is great when contrasted with crazy Day Watch clips.

The commentors on the Fox Searchlight site are in love with Natalya, or, shall I say, the teenage IMDb fanboys are in love with Natalya. And now this post is officially long enough to make the Google ads start promoting nasty Russian singles and stuff like that.

Bamboo Nation: giving the world what it wants.

—Reporting From Glendale, California
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