My mother refers to my sister as "Miss Slut"—pronounced "Miss Sah-Lutt." My younger sibling has earned this moniker because of her notorious Hooters history and the PG-13 bikini photos that circulate on the Internet from time to time. Always one to live up to her reputation, she'll be gracing the cover of D Sport Magazine, a drag racing rag that features a "Model of the Month" in every informative issue. From what I can tell off the website, the Model of the Month is usually some sah-lutty Asian chick in scant clothing—in provocative poses that are sure to keep teenage boys occupied for days at a time. When her photo shoot becomes available online, you will be the first to know. But if you say anything about my sister, like "she's hot" or "will you introduce me to her," I will get very angry at you and scream, "Stop it! That's my sister you're talking about!"
—Reporting From Glendale, California