Hey, I'm all for protecting yourself from crazy creatures, but, at 72-years-old, sir, haven't you already led a full life? You should've let the young squirrel grow into the man he was destined to become. Aggression is just a phase at that age.
(The photo on the right is what that squirrel may have looked like, but we will never know because I don't have access to actual pictures of the dead animal. May he rest in pieces.)
—Reporting From Glendale, California