Orifice Gratitude: Berkeley Repertory Theatre, Crowded Fire, Impact Theatre

Posted by Prince Gomolvilas
ON Tuesday, June 05, 2007
When JUKEBOX STORIES ran for six weeks last year at Impact Theatre in Berkeley, what we gave out as bingo prizes were found objects tucked away in the closets of the theater; things we could afford to buy from the dollar store upstairs; and chocolate pudding cups that had been hiding in the La Val's basement since the turn of the century.

For our return engagement in the San Francisco Bay Area this past weekend, we decided to throw our weight around and managed to secure free tickets to current productions at three amazing theaters. And these became our top bingo prizes, along with DVDs, T-shirts, cat calendars, and other sundry items that we secured by various means, legal and illegal and somewhere in between.

To the snooty theaters and museums that wouldn't even return my e-mails, SUCK IT! But to the theaters that were generous to us, we thank you with all our heart and soul. I have gratitude coming out of every orifice of my body.

Impact Theatre provided tickets to Impact Briefs 8: Sinfully Delicious, an evening of one-act plays withare you ready for this?erotically choreographed burlesque interspersed throughout the evening. Man, those crazy kids sure know how to sell tickets...to creepy old men who will sit in the front row and rub their hands together so hard that they chap. But that's okay. The theater is close to UC Berkeley, so the college crowd can beat any creepy old man to a pulp if he tries to reach out and squeeze the fruits. Even the gayest gay man I know (hmm, could that be...er...me?) is fascinated with boobies. They have a magnetic pull. And I am reminded of what Steve Martin said in L.A. Story: "I could never be a woman. 'Cuz I'd just stay home and play with my breasts all day."

Crowded Fire provided tickets to Anna Bella Eema by Lisa D'Amour, a gothic drama set in a trailer park. Wait a minute! Set in a trailer park?! It can't be a drama. It must be a raucous comedy! I know because my mother lives in a trailer park (well, it's really a mobile home residence, but I call it a trailer park), and it's comedy there ALL THE TIME. The best part of the production, however, must be the cozy fireside chats with Co-Artistic Director Kent Nicholson after every performance. Kent directed the first incarnation of JUKEBOX STORIES at Impact, and he is pretty much The Smartest Man Working in the American Theatre Today. Well, him and Joey McIntyre.

And Berkeley Repertory Theatre provided tickets to Great Men of Genius. This guy named Mike Daisey profiles the lives of P.T. Barnum, Bertolt Brecht, L. Ron Hubbard, and Nikola Tesla on different nights. It's a rotating repertory of performance. Hmm...sort of sounds akin to the brilliance of JUKEBOX STORIES. If I were in town, I would so go see L. Ron Hubbard night because wouldn't you want to learn about the man responsible for Battlefield Earth? (Oh, and that thing called Scientology?) By the way, just to prove to you that everybody is as narcissistic as I am and that even people like Tony Taccone Googles himself, I just mentioned him in this sentence, so that when he eventually does Google himself he will inevitably come across this page, on which I declare: "Tony Taccone, I caught you Googling yourself!" It's like a metatheatrical practical joke! I mean, really, aren't I brilliant? Talk about your great men of genius!

—Reporting From Glendale, California
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  1. YOU KNOW WHO Said,



  2. Melissa Said,

    You bitch! Those pudding cups were there for the last show. They were like two weeks old. I'm going to *bite* you. That said, thanks for the Briefs mention.


  3. Melissa, you know that I am a drama queen, prone to gross exaggeration. It is my trade. :) xo


  4. Kent Said,

    But there is no exxageration when you say I am as smart as Joey Mcintyre, right? Right!???


  5. Kent, I do not exaggerate about you or Joey McIntyre. You guys are in your own league.


  6. Read Said,

    That kitty calendar has a prized place on my wall!


  7. "That kitty calendar has a prized place on my wall!"

    ...Oh, it must be hanging above the shrine to me. A good place for it.


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