Signed, Sealed, Delivered

I just got back from Urth Caffe on Melrose, where I met with Mr. Independent Film Producer (IFP) and associates. (I'm not using real names until I'm sure the nondisclosure agreement that I signed allows me to blog about the minutiae of this Independent Film Project.)

Celebrity sighting! We saw Entourage's Adrian Grenier zip in and out and jump into his white car, where he drummed on his steering wheel passionately to music I couldn't hear from where I was sitting. I don't have cable, so I don't know Entourage, but I remember his role as Anne Hathaway's man-bitch in The Devil Wears Prada.

Contracts were signed, and I have officially been hired to write a screenplay for a low-budget comedy that allows for raunch levels that reflect, well, my normal day-to-day life. As you know, my existence in Glendale is just one big raunchy movie, complete with out-of-control frat parties and lipstick lesbians in bathing suits.

Mr. IFP and associates are genuinely nice people who care what I have to say and who love movies as much as I dosuch a contrast to the asswipes I've had meetings with at Paramount. (Gasp! I'm finally starting to name names! Watch out, Hollywood!) I mean, you know it's a going to be a great relationship when Mr. IFP and associates come to a business meeting wearing Motley Crue and Guns N' Roses T-shirts. Over at Paramount, they wear suits and have staplers lodged up their asses.

Hey, I love anal as much as the next guy, but you will never find office products inside me.

—Reporting From Glendale, California


  1. may i be the first online to say


  2. Drive Me Crazy is my favorite Adrian Grenier movie...maybe it's because it's the only movie I've seen him in. Ahh...jail bait, I mean, Adrian.

    Congrats on the screenplay gig! I'll celebrate for you here in SF, tomorrow night Enrique is taking me to Trannyshack!

  3. Ah, Trannyshack! A fine Tuesday San Francisco tradition! Enjoy!

  4. Hey! Never underestimate the power of a well lubed glue stick.

  5. Enrique, I am horribly offended.

  6. Heather7/01/2007

    Holy crap, you're actually getting paid to write a screenplay.....congratulations!!! I'll be first in line to see your vulgar and filthy creation.

  7. Well, I've gotten paid before, but none of them ever got made. This one actually has a pretty good chance of going into production.