I am not a philanthropist. In fact, I am an evil bastard. For example, groups such as the American Diabetes Association and Project Angel Food send me those free return address labels as a bribe to guilt me into giving them money. Not only do I not give them anything, I keep those return address labels and use them! Ha ha ha ha ha!
There's this one charity (I forget which one) that sends me nickels for some reason. I guess I'm supposed to send the nickel back, along with a donation, but I keep the nickel and collect them until I have enough money to buy Baked Cheetos.
Those organizations are charitable! They provide me with delicious snacks from my corner store.
—Reporting From Glendale, California