Labyrinthine Memories

Marisela Orta beat me to itJim Henson's classic 1986 fantasy, Labyrinth, is playing at revival houses this week, and she's already gone to see the new 35-millimeter print! Folks, if you're in the Los Angeles area, it's time to reconnect with one of the few wonders and escapes from your otherwise depressing and oppressive childhood—come see this movie with me on Tuesday, July 31, 2007, at 7:30PM at the Nuart Theatre in Los Angeles. A bunch of people are coming. Meet me in front of the theater at 7:00PM in your best Jennifer Connelly ball gown, or meet me inside if you come later. (For those of you not in Los Angeles, the film is playing at select cities throughout the country.)

Before the days of crappy CG, Henson and company used good old-fashioned special effects and puppet wizardry to create a spectacular world. Some people today complain that the David Bowie musical numbers mar the otherwise magical world of Labyrinth, with all its amazing characters, but the naysayers are fucking stupid! Those musical numbers are the best part of the movie! Do you mean to tell me that you've never done the "Magic Dance," jumping up and down on your bed? If you say no, you're a filthy liar!

Incidentally, Labyrinth also features perhaps the most fascinating and mesmerizing special effect in the history of cinema—David Bowie's ridiculous codpiece. Thanks to Nuclear Boy for the analytical photo. But to do real justice to this special effect, you have to see it on the big screen.

Those of you who recoil at the thought are just going to have to deal with it because, if you try to watch the movie from just the middle of the screen up, you may avoid the Bowie bulge but you'll have to deal with the Connelly breasts, which were freakishly big for a girl her age. What were they feeding those actors?!

"You remind me of a babe":


  1. Ah, but your post is so much cooler with the song, the pants analysis and the cool picture of Bowie. How could anyone not like the songs!

  2. Marisela, I even love "As the World Falls Down"! It makes me want to dance at the ball like a fairy princess!

  3. I actually saw Labyrinth once to impress a girl. I thought it sucked. Plus, I got no sex out of it.

  4. That's because she was mesmerized by Bowie's crotch!