Because the blogosphere is relatively tame, I have, by default, become a bastion of perversion. So if I were to go to the High School Musical 2 Friday Night Premiere Party, that would pretty much be the nail in the coffin of my otherwise good reputation. I mean, a nerdy thirtysomething Asian dude can't just show up in a parking lot full of teen girls, lay down a blanket, and sit there watching High School Musical 2 and yelling "wooooo!" every time Zac Efron walks onto screen. I don't want to get arrested for Indecent Disney Movie Watching.
But let's face it. In order for Jane Goodall to understand gorillas, she had to go to Africa to live among them. So if I am to become this country's foremost scholar on the American teen experience, I have to become embedded.
I need to borrow someone's teenage daughter! She'll be my ticket to complete anonymity at this event. And there is no doubt that the report that I bring back to you, dear readers, will be one of the most fascinating, educational, and surely fucked-up blog entries your eyes have ever seen.
Diablo Cody, is your stepdaughter in town? Ken Narasaki, is your daughter too old for High School Musical? Anybody else with a niece or a cousin or something? I'll buy her popcorn! Just tell her to shut up on the drive down and never touch an Asian man's stereo.