James Bond Can Suck It!

Clive Owen, who at one time was the heir apparent of the James Bond franchise, stars in Shoot 'Em Up, which is not so much a movie as it is a series of preposterous action sequences hanging on a thread of a plot—something about baby harvesting, bone marrow transplants, gun control, and a presidential campaign. But who gives a shit about the plot, really, when you have a film so intentionally over-the-top, so ridiculously absurd, and so damn giddy? Shoot 'Em Up, the brainchild of filmmaker Michael Davis, pushes the action genre to implausible extremes, but also carries the spirit of outrageous comedy. Pick a scene, any scene:

Clive Owen participates in an overwhelming opening gunfight while delivering a baby and shoots off the umbilical cord with his gun. Later, there's a gunfight while he's having sex with a hooker. (No, seriously, folks, he's shooting people to death while having intercourse.) Even later, he takes the gunfighting to the skies, shooting 'em up midair after diving out of a plane. He's also prone to chomping on carrot sticks before using them to stab people in the eye. And there's more. So much more.

I even find this two-minute red-band trailer exhausting. But that's the point. When you're basically telling James Bond to suck it, you want to make sure you're driving the point home:


  1. haha! now i want to see this movie even more. i just wanted to see it because i like clive owen, but it looks so absurd that i want to see it just to make fun of it. you know. sort of like Troy?

  2. "guns don't kill people, but, they sure help"

    oh, best line since shirley mclaine last word in the "my skirt twirled" exchange in 'postcards'.

    i'll be seeing this one... who needs bond?

  3. Troy.... Talk about "so gay!"

  4. haha! i know! it was hilarious when we were watching it in AP english when we finished reading the illiad and me and my friend could not stop making fun of it. we were probably loud and obnoxious, but it was totally worth it. nobody cared anyway.

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  6. CLIVE OWEN!!!! WOOOT!!!

    I would watch any movie with Clive in it. Screw plot when you have Clive in it.

    Sex with a hooker and shooting ppl at the same time? Interesting. Very interesting....any nudity? On Clive's part of course.