Pretending to Be Drunk

When friends come over to my apartment for a dinner party (catered by Loren who fancies himself an amateur gourmet chef), everybody gets drunk. No, not drunk. Hammered.

Unfortunately, I don't drink. As you know, it's not always pleasant to be the only sober one in the room, so the best I can do is pretend to be drunk by pretending to swig wine straight from the bottle. Throw in a little slurred speech and play up the droopy eyes, and I'm in business.


  1. Now THERE'S a titillating image to see, first thing at work, after a three-day weekend!
    . . . especially for a fellow teetotaler/dick-smoker . . .

  2. Abstaining when surrounded by staggerers is an amusing pastime. But I guess it's better when you're a guy. I drink occasionally, but not to excess, so I'm often called upon as designated hair holder, a thankless task if I've ever had one.

  3. i don't drink... occasionally, i do tequila shots, but, it's so seldom, i don't count it.

    like gw, i'm the designated hair holder.

    it's a thankless job.

    however, being the sober one allows you to be the one to say, "no, let me tell you what REALLY happened last night" which either wins you life long enemies or earns you wads of cash to keep your mouth shut.

  4. I have an amazing ability to look drunk in pictures even when I'm completely sober. I could give lessons in drunk-faking. It's all about the half-closed left eye.

  5. There's something rather liberating about drunk-faking. You get all the fun of drunken excess, but you retain your dignity and hold an air of superiority over the actually-drunk.