I Felt It, and It Was Sooooo Big

I'm a heavy sleeper. It has been said that bombs could be detonated across the street, and I wouldn't stir. But the 4.2 earthquake a couple days ago actually jolted me awake. I was fully expecting Loren to be running around the apartment lighting candles and Pork Chop to be going bat shit, but, in a bizarre twist, Loren remained in a deep sleep—while Pork Chop, who was sleeping right next to me, continued to snore. Those lazy-ass bitches would be destroyed in a major disaster! And it would be up to me to repopulate the entire planet. (I don't know how I made that leap, but work with it, people.)


  1. and the mother of your children would be britt spears?

  2. Holy shit! An earthquake? I had no idea.