It's Good to Be the King('s Servant)

The Tudors' masturbation scene features Jonathan Rhys Meyers as King Henry VIII.

Back in the old days when Young King Henry VIII wanted to masturbate, he not only needed a royal towel to catch his hot spunk but he also needed a royal servant to hold the royal towel to catch his hot spunk—as demonstrated here by a nearly nude Jonathan Rhys Meyers in the Season One finale (Episode Ten) of Showtime's sex-obsessed drama, The Tudors.

In the episode's opening scene, Henry pleasures himself while thinking of his unofficial girlfriend, Anne Boleyn (Natalie Dormer), as the king's man-servant kneels before him. This has to be considered at least a little bit gay, but, since Henry is imagining himself with sexy naked Anne, then it's okay, right? Right?!

Warning: The following clip of the now-infamous Tudors masturbation scene is not suitable for work or other public places (except the San Francisco Public Library). If you're on a mobile device and have trouble playing this, then bookmark this page and get to a desktop computer right now! It's worth the hassle! Watch:

Is it me, or is Young Henry a little bit too aggressive with his little bits? I wanted to yell, "You're hurting yourself!," at the screen. If he were alive today, I'd tell him to pick up a copy of In Your Hands: The Everyman's Guide to Masturbation, and maybe he'd learn a thing or two. (Yes, that's a real book.)

Update 02.17.17:

An obsessive fan of The Tudors actually took the time to create an 11-minute supercut of "The Best of Henry VIII's Hissy Fits, Temper Tantrums, (and Occasional Screamin' O's)," which includes a shirtless man-on-man fistfight and some open-mouthed sex. I still haven't watched this series after all these years, but, apparently, it's the gift that keeps on giving:

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  1. Honestly, they need to get The Tudors to Malaysia. Stat!

  2. I kept thinking that needed a theme song. Probably "Every Sperm is Sacred" from Monty Python's Meaning of Life.

  3. I was at a party last night and told people about this clip, and they all agreed that the royal spunk catcher had the worst job ever. I was like, "Uh...what are you TALKING about?!" And they all looked at me like I was a freak.

  4. *going with prince here*

    *early henry....later one, no effing way*

  5. umm. so, i'm not a guy.

    was he acting?

  6. I tell myself it's real. It's all real. It's realer than real. Aside from that, it is a dream come true.