Only one film this year stars four Academy Award-winning actors, and that film is called...National Treasure: Book of Secrets. *
That's right! Disney's treasure-hunting sequel ("Goonies for grown-ups," insists Loren) boasts the powerhouse quartet of Nicolas Cage, John Voight, Ed Harris, and Helen Mirren—a casting miracle meant to serve as a smoke screen to block your eyes from the heaping pile of preposterousness behind it.
If you think that the Holocaust deniers who trade in revisionist history are lunatics, then surely you'll agree that the PG-rated National Treasure movies are made by complete whackos. They take historical facts and shovel on fiction, half-truths, and lies for the sake of their narratives—revisionist history, if you will, that will trick youngsters who see these movies into thinking that the fabricated stuff is true and that the real stuff is fake. In fact, it's all enough to keep even Loren and me arguing about what was and was not historically accurate. Please. Like I have the time and patience to wade through IMDB message boards all night to settle the score.
Now don't get me wrong. The National Treasures are moderately entertaining action movies. But at least after The Goonies I didn't have to go home and look up whether or not Chester Copperpot actually existed.
[* Addendum 12/29/07: A commenter has just informed me that Ed Harris has never actually won an Oscar. He's been nominated four times, and Harvey Keitel (also in the movie) has been nominated once—all those nominations must count for something. Otherwise, I just got pwned!]