Frequently Asked Questions, Part 3: "What Hair Care Product Do You Use?"; Or: Before I Was Hot

Before 1998, I didn't really understand my own hair. I would get $10 cuts, use random gels and mousses, and attempt to straighten, flatten, and part my hair in a way that made me look like a Chinese engineering student.

Now I know better. I get $30 cuts, use products that I have carefully researched, and generally keep my hair short on the sides and longer on the top. Depending on the length, I can wear my hair several different ways—all of which make me equally hot. I can spike it up or have the messy look when it's shorter, and I can play with faux-hawks when it's longer. (See photographic evidence below.) I typically rotate through a variety of hair care products, including American Crew, d:fi, Fudge, and Got 2B—but right now I'm lovin' Short Sexy Hair, particularly their Control Maniac Wax.

I know that I am hot now and that I was not hot before because people have come up to me and said, "You're a lot cuter now that you're gay." I contend that it was not coming out but, rather, my new hair that turned the tide in my favor. Indeed, people get all wide-eyed and speechless when they see old pictures of me and those "you're a lot cuter now" comments didn't start until 1998—after I wised up about the power and the glory of my precious locks of love.


  1. Hmm.. I'm confused. Which picture is the "before"? :-)

  2. I didn't discover my hair was naturally curly (and therefore in need of a diffuser and frizz-taming products) until eighth grade. I'd been cluelessly blow-drying and brushing it into a frizzy pyramid for years. I still can't believe my parents (both of whom had curly hair) didn't intervene. It should have been part of the birds and the bees talk.

  3. Calvin (from "Calvin and Hobbes") and some Crisco Oil, on picture day at school.