Unnecessary Evil

A few days ago my mom told me she needed to have a serious talk with me. She sat me down, looked me in the eyes, and explained to me that it was imperative and urgent that I rearrange my bedroom furniture. You see, my bed is aligned with and faces the door (I can see directly down the hallway from where I sleep), and this configuration apparently allows evil spirits to enter my room and attack me at night. She explained that these ghostly visitations have been affecting my life, my career, everything this past year, and I needed to make a change for the sake of my very being.

"Let me think about it." I chuckled. She'll probably forget about it in a few weeks and never mention it again, I thought.

"No. Promise me you'll move your bed away from the door."

"We'll see."

"You have to do it. Promise."

"I'll think on it for a bit," I said, trying desperately to brush her off.

Frustrated, she pulled out a premeditated hundred dollar bill from her purse and waved it in my face. "Promise, and I'll give you this!"

So I'm rearranging my furniture this weekend. Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars.


  1. Is it a Feng Shui thang?

    Domestic Partner put in a Japanese style walkway that zig-zags across the front lawn. He told me that it's supposed to confuse evil spirits from finding their way to your front door.

    I asked, "But wouldn't that also confuse the good spirits, too?"

  2. Hi Prince, I remember reading that in a Feng Shui book as well...though they didn't mention evil spirits...just bad energy.

  3. I heart your mother! I go around all the time now singing "Police, throw me down..."

  4. Dammit, I just set up my bed the exact same way you had yours, and I'm pretty sure no one is going to give me $100 to change it. But hopefully my cat will ward off evil spirits.

  5. my friend used that argument that it was a good thing i didn't get the single bed in my dorm room.

    she isn't even my roommate! haha. me and my roomies are all mexican, so we don't really know anything about Feng Shui. what's the story on the bottom bunk next to the wall and across from the closet? haha.

  6. I actually don't think it's a feng shui thing. It's a Thai thing. There's lots of evil ghosts in Thailand, ya know?!

    Also, by the way, the head of your bed should never point west. The sun sets in the west, you see, and that symbolizes death.

    This is a lot of crap to keep track of. I could end up making THOUSANDS off my mother if she keeps this up!

  7. i would milk it if i were you. haha. it's like this whole "going to college 6 hours away" thing. parents just want to 'help'. : ] yes, it sounds bad but that's what my cousin told me to do. haha.

  8. Please give your mother my contact information. For $500, I'll rearrange my entire apartment.