Maybe Sports Will Make Him Not Gay
July 29, 2006
My mom...enrolled me in a sports league during my middle school years, where we played soccer, baseball, and football. FOOTBALL. Not touch football. But TACKLE FOOTBALL. Christ. LOOK AT ME. I WEIGH 50 POUNDS. This was perhaps a subconscious preemptive strike against any possible sexual deviance that may have been lying dormant inside me, just waiting to spring forward ferociously. Like a crack whore down at the bowery.
I remember getting tackled a lot. But my greatest and most painful injury was during football practice when some kid gave be a head butt (was his name Zidane?), which resulted in a bump on my forehead that swelled to the size of a Third World nation.