I started to have a coughing fit during the finale of Thursday's performance of The Case of the Creamy Foam, so I reached for the nearest liquid—a tall glass of old beer.
As many of you know, I don't drink because I can't stand the taste of alcohol. In the distant past, however, I have been drunk exactly twice in my life. The first time I got drunk, I had to be carried home by two people because I couldn't walk down sidewalk. The second time I got drunk, I ended up in a relationship for a year.
So when I took a sip of that stale beer, it was a historic moment. The beer tasted like crap, but it allowed me to make it to the end of the show. Just 3,000 more sips, and I would've drunk dialed you.