As punishment for a missed sound cue during last night's performance of Jukebox Stories: The Case of the Creamy Foam, I pulled our tech guy, Read, onto stage and stroked various parts of his body for the audience's enjoyment. I later encouraged a straight guy in the audience to stroke my wrist tenderly. Both moments were wholly demeaning to me, of course, and you must realize the lengths I must go through to entertain the public. I suffer for my art.
I must add, however, that Read is "barely legal," which, as you know, are my two favorite words in the English language. Rachel (co-star of my story about Maury Povich) once pointed out to me that "barely" and "legal" as individual words don't amount to much but when put together have such a lovely ring.
We also got to celebrate Rica's birthday—chocolate cake for her and brownie bites for the rest of the audience—and I got to tell my favorite story about Rica. I was staying at her house one time, and while perusing her bookshelf I came across an audio book titled Overcoming Procrastination. The audio book was still wrapped in plastic, with a layer of dust over it about a quarter of an inch thick. That was one of the most ironic things I had ever seen, and that is why I love Rica.