I received an unprecedented number of e-mails after I sent a message to my e-list that declared: "It was in fact the Ewoks that made Return of the Jedi the BEST STAR WARS MOVIE EVER." Apparently, them's fightin' words. A sampling of replies:
  • "It's just such a blatant, throw-down provocation. Ewoks blow. And you know it."
  • "Oh, where to begin? *Shakes head sorrowfully.*"
  • "Well, the Ewoks did take down the Imperial forces with 'primitive' technology, which was pretty cool. But I suspect the only reason why you hold the Ewoks (and, subsequently, the whole movie) in such high esteem is that THEY WORSHIPPED A GAY ROBOT. And for that fact alone will you ignore any and all arguments against Return of the Jedi, so I will not try."

But then an astute friend pointed out:
  • "Did you know that the Ewok language was in fact based on a dialect in the Philippines? So—it would make sense to me, your love of Ewoks, because of their inherent linguistic familiarity via pan-API connections."
Yeah! That's it!

But, seriously, folks, the first piece of writing that I ever got published was a movie review of Return of the Jedi, which I wrote when I was in the fifth grade and which got printed in my elementary school's newsletter. The other kids were in awe of me because I had actually seen the movie on opening weekend—waited in a long line and everything! I gave it a 10 out of 10 because it was—up until that point—pretty much the greatest experience of my life. Then I discovered masturbation, and everything changed.

But back during those innocent days, I went to see Jedi over and over, collected the action figures, played the arcade game, read the novel tie-in, bought related merchandise, and listened to that damn catchy Ewok song repeatedly—even calling up the radio station to request it, much to the chagrin of hip DJs, I'm sure. And, yes, I have seen both (the admittedly lame) Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure and Ewoks: The Battle for Endor—more than once.

You know what? I still love those goddman Ewoks. I still get excited by the Endor Forest speeder bike chase. I still get scared when Luke tries to flee from the Rancor beast. I still cheer when Princess Leia chokes Jabba the Hut to death and still get giddy when she declares her love to Han Solo. And I still cry when Darth Vader throws the Emperor down the reactor shaft to save his son. Yes, I cried then, and I cry now. If that moment doesn't tug at your heart, you probably have no soul. And that's all I have to say about Return of the Jedi, the BEST STAR WARS MOVIE EVER.

Ah, sweet memories:

Sing along, people!:

Yub nub
eee chop yub nub
ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene
g'noop dock fling oh ah
Yah wah
eee chop yah wah
ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene
g'noop dock fling oh ah
Coatee chah tu yub nub
coatee chah tu yahwah
coatee chah tu glowah
allay loo ta nuv
eee chop glowah
ya glowah pee chu nee foam
ah toot dee awe goon daa
Coatee cha tu goo (Yub nub!)
coatee cha tu doo (Yahwah!)
coatee cha tu too (Ya chaa!)
allay loo ta nuv
allay loo ta nuv
allay loo ta nuv
eee chop glowah
ya glowah pee chu nee foam
ah toot dee awe goon daa
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  1. Star Wars nerds are very entertaining arent they? And I bet the Ewoks can kick all their collective asses.

    Cute video. I now have that song stuck in my head.


  2. Quin Browne Said,

    hirsute...they are hirsute.

    that's why you love them.


  3. LAP Said,

    Well, I'm not going to argue, because my experience when the first Star Wars movie was so similar. My sister and I sat enthralled through the entire thing, and then my mother leaned over and whispered "Do you want to stay and see it again?" I was 9, my sister was 7 and our heads exploded with pleasure to be indulged so by our parents.


  4. Solia Jacobs Said,

    yay! ewoks! i'm going to disneyland in like an hour. I'll ride star tours and think of you.


  5. I for one loved the ewoks too. I liked the cool new totally jedified Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo is at his modest and scruffiest in this movie, which was a nice counterpoint to Luke in the black suit. Plus, princess Leah choking out Jabba the Hut: priceless. And the Ewok celebration at the end was the best of the digitally enhanced moments in the remastered star wars stuff, and also the best of the star wars celebration moments, poignant and fun and more downhome than the others. I can't think of the Empire celebration just now, but I did just wake up from a nap so...Jedi rules!


  6. Alan Goy Said,

    Editing out that song was the best thing Lucas did in the re-releases.


  7. Can you sing that without looking at the words? I tried to sing along and uh, ended up a disaster.



  8. Peter Varvel Said,

    Wow. And you accuse Brandon P. of being a nerd.
    I'm all about the Taun-tauns.


  9. howard ho Said,

    I wore a Return of the Jedi t-shirt to my kindergarten graduation, unaware of the requirement for black and white clothing. I remember feeling sad and out of place, but now I just miss that awesome t-shirt.

    I think everyone agrees that the best Star Wars movie is the Star Wars Christmas special. Get it right!



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