I always enjoy watching Mark Wahlberg revenge movies (e.g., Shooter, Four Brothers, etc.), but my friends overruled my DVD pick this evening, We Own the Night, and instead forced me to watch Blade: Trinity. I like vampire hunting as much as the next guy, but, when you're in the mood to watch Mark Wahlberg kick some serious man ass, there is no substitute.... Or so I thought.
I was surprised to learn that Blade: Trinity features lingering shots of Ryan Reynolds half-naked in chains (sweaty, shirtless, and bloody) and a brief glimpse of his pubes when he pulls down his pants a bit to reveal the tattoo below his belly button.
It all makes me marvel at the kind of world I live in. I mean, c'mon, folks, do I really live in a world where Ryan Reynolds will just randomly show up in movies half-naked in chains?! At what point in time exactly did all my masturbatory fantasies become manifest in the real world? How is it that I wield this power? And if I can make Blade: Trinity exist, I surely can someday convince Ryan Reynolds to stick any part of his body in my mouth. He can take his pick; I don't care.
Since I do hold such tremendous power, I am going to will into existence a Mark Wahlberg-Ryan Reynolds mud wrestling film. And at the premiere party, both actors will impregnate me. One movie; two baby daddy; two birds with one stone. You'll thank me later.