I haven't really watched American Idol since the Fantasia-Jennifer Hudson season four years ago, but I did tune in to the Dolly Parton episodes this season, only to be devastated when that cute little Filipino girl got booted, prompting me to stand up, point to the TV, and scream at America, "Racist! Racist! Racist!" She did a terrific version of Parton's "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind," while other contestants absolutely butchered—and I mean butchered—some of Parton's better-known songs. Goodbye, Ramiele Malubay. Maybe you can become the new Jollibee spokesperson? Your own people would never sell you down the river!:
As for David Archuleta and David Cook, I didn't really care who won. It's not like I was going to buy either of their albums, and, for once, I was not lecherously obsessed with either of them.... Until—OH MY GOD—they ran a Guitar Hero commercial featuring David Cook dancing in his underwear like Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Seriously hot. So seriously hot that I have to spell it like this: H-A-W-T. Swoon:
After that ad aired during the atrocious season finale (it would take me hours to blog about that train wreck of a program), I was feeling depressed because everybody in America knew Archuleta, the frontrunner from the very beginning, would win. (His Guitar Hero ad had the same theme, he wore boxers, and it was all, well, a little embarrassing, but I won't badmouth him in public because he's just a kid. Plus, the things that I have said about him in the privacy of my own living room have been so mean that I couldn't possibly show that side of myself to you.)
But then Cook, the "rocker," took the crown in the biggest upset in American Idol history. From a bartender to a superstar in matter of weeks. He cried. I cried.
I still won't buy his album. But I'll spank it in his honor.