Hot Underwear; or Prince's Final Thoughts on "American Idol"

I haven't really watched American Idol since the Fantasia-Jennifer Hudson season four years ago, but I did tune in to the Dolly Parton episodes this season, only to be devastated when that cute little Filipino girl got booted, prompting me to stand up, point to the TV, and scream at America, "Racist! Racist! Racist!" She did a terrific version of Parton's "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind," while other contestants absolutely butchered—and I mean butchered—some of Parton's better-known songs. Goodbye, Ramiele Malubay. Maybe you can become the new Jollibee spokesperson? Your own people would never sell you down the river!:

As for David Archuleta and David Cook, I didn't really care who won. It's not like I was going to buy either of their albums, and, for once, I was not lecherously obsessed with either of them.... Until—OH MY GOD—they ran a Guitar Hero commercial featuring David Cook dancing in his underwear like Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Seriously hot. So seriously hot that I have to spell it like this: H-A-W-T. Swoon:

After that ad aired during the atrocious season finale (it would take me hours to blog about that train wreck of a program), I was feeling depressed because everybody in America knew Archuleta, the frontrunner from the very beginning, would win. (His Guitar Hero ad had the same theme, he wore boxers, and it was all, well, a little embarrassing, but I won't badmouth him in public because he's just a kid. Plus, the things that I have said about him in the privacy of my own living room have been so mean that I couldn't possibly show that side of myself to you.)

But then Cook, the "rocker," took the crown in the biggest upset in American Idol history. From a bartender to a superstar in matter of weeks. He cried. I cried.

I still won't buy his album. But I'll spank it in his honor.


  1. i assumed archuleta wore boxers cuz of some mormon-related issues...and it looks like he's never touched a guitar before in his life. you should look up the ford commercial where the final four were wearing matador outfits! too funny ;)

  2. can't seem to make a link work here, but...

    nice butts, but i think they made the boys "tuck"...

  3. Wow, Prince, you stuck up for a Filipino person. You're finally seeing the light! Oh, and Cook's legs are too skinny.

  4. best re-do of the 'risky business' bit?

    saturday night live

    ron reagan, jr. when reagan was in the white house.

  5. Michael, yup, saw it. Too much clothing!

    Noel, I often defend Filipinos who are not you.

    Quin, I'll have to check it out. I recall liking him way back when.

  6. Seriously, I thought it was the Risky Business clip with a Guitar Hero guitar CGI'd in until David Cook turned around. How can you lose being filled with lust and nostalgia all at once? Any boy who makes me remember being fifteen in a good way, is a winner.