What should I wear to the Playboy Mansion?
—Wait a minute. I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here. Perhaps I should explain:
I am going to a party at the Playboy Mansion this weekend (details later), and I need to know what kind of protective gear I should wear in order not to be harmed by stray, flapping boobies. Can you imagine what would happen if one of those things accidentally smacked me across the face? I could very well be hospitalized.
By the way, why the hell isn't there a Playgirl Mansion—with hunky men laid out on tables with sushi on their stomachs? I mean, sure, that kind of thing is a typical Saturday night at my house, but it really should be official.
[Addendum 06.20.08: I was informed by people who've been to the Playboy Mansion that the initial picture that I posted was not the Playboy Mansion. Well, excuse me for my classlessness. Anyway, I have now posted a new photo of the actual Playboy Mansion.]