The Life and Times of Pork Chop

Several years ago, I wrote this entry, dated September 9, 2003:

Yesterday and today, I saw Pork Chop hunch down on his stomach, bow his head, and stretch his paws outward in front of him, as if he were praying to Mecca. He remained in that position for a considerable amount of time, so I went up to him and asked, "Pork Chop, are you Muslim?" He ignored me, just like he ignores me when I stroke his paws and say, "Pork Chop, your hands are so soft. Do you use Palmolive?"

If Pork Chop is indeed Muslim, it would add a whole other level to the role-playing game we play called "Not Without My Daughter." In this game I wrap Pork Chop tight in a blanket, cradle him in my arms, and run around my apartment. I pretend to be Sally Field in the harrowing drama, Not Without My Daughter, trying to rescue my kidnapped child and escape the evil people of Iran, especially my freak of an Iranian husband who looks an awful lot like Alfred Molina.

I run and run and kiss Pork Chop on the forehead and improvise appropriate dialogue like, "I have to get away from these crazy and evil Iranians! I must escape this war-torn country...! But not without my daughter!"

We actually used to really play "Not Without My Daughter." It was fun. I'm not kidding. But we don't anymore. Pork Chop has outgrown such childish things.

Instead, we play Chase or Torture Chamber or Trapped in a Mine Shaft. Occasionally, Texas Hold 'Em. We still have loads of fun.


  1. I love it when you post Pork Chop pics!!! I am going to show Ernie as soon as I get home and reassure him that he is not a freak.


    PS and TRON, yup watching it this weekend. I will report. I may even tape his reaction.


  2. But you've got to play it one more time, please, and make another Pork Chop video so we can see.

    "You're soaking in it."

  3. Ahahahahah Muslim Pork Chop. Hey maybe he is and then he and me can be BFF.

  4. Last holiday season, I drunk stumbled into one of my mother's many living rooms to find her and my stepfather watching this god-awful film. I'm fairly certain it's one of the most blatantly xenophobic things I've seen. I'm kinda sad Sally Field was in it. But I'm glad you were able to rescue Pork Chop in his youth. These days he'd probably break your back.

    Weigh him!! Film it!!

  5. OMG

    i just realised (yadda yadda on the movies) that pork chop and sophie are both black and silver tiger striped cats.

    is it a sign?

  6. Not Without My Daughter, huh? I guess porkchop is a true son of a bitch.

  7. Pork Chop loves being loved by you all. (There's lots to love.)

  8. sophie doesn't weigh 2lbs, but, he'd be ruled by her beauty and her royal disdain.