I know, I know, I know. I promised. I told you that I was going to blog about every single episode of the new ABC reality competition show, High School Musical: Get in the Picture (which premiered Sunday night), and I even said that I was going to live-blog the series finale. But I can't do it. I just can't. You know I love you. But I cannot and will not sit through all 13 episodes or however many there are. I would rather have Vanessa Anne Hudgens spit in my mouth. Seriously.
You see, the premise sure did sound promising. A bunch of 16- to 22-year-old hopefuls would sing, dance, act, scratch, and claw for a shot to be in High School Musical 3, which will be released in theaters in October. When the reality show was first announced, it was assumed that the winner of the grueling competition would be in the movie. Not so. One lucky teen (or teen wannabe) will star in a music video that will play during the end credits of the movie. At the last minute, they're now mentioning something about a two-song recording deal—perhaps to temper the "WTF?!" reactions to the grand prize. I don't want to sound ungrateful on the contestants' behalf, but the proper reward for being humiliated week after week on national television should at the very least be getting shoved into a broom closet with Zac Efron and getting to feel him up for five minutes. But no. The winner will mug during the credits crawl.
The Los Angeles Times declared that you should watch Get in the Picture "because this might be the worst premise for a show in history, and you want to be prepared to mock it." But the thing is, the show is is kind of un-mockable. It doesn't have the meanness of American Idol's painful but entertaining auditions; the HSM judges are neither vicious, crazy, nor quirky; host Nick Lachey is low-key, personable, and convincing; and the stakes just seem so so, well, minor. Do I really want to spend weeks and weeks rooting for someone to win this? I mean, from what I could tell, no Asians made the cut so far, the obviously gay one was booted, and the hunky jocks just pale in comparison to Nick Lachey and his chest. And arms. And his DSL. I'm calling it now—that black girl in the red dress, Tierney, is going to win, and she deserves it if in the end she decides she really really really wants to appear during the HSM3 closing credits.
The only things that will tide me over until HSM3 is released are sweet videos of sweet Nick Lachey, sweet sweet gay-friendly Nick Lachey (see 0:28):