I Want to Beat Internet Explorer to Death

Those of you who have hung around Bamboo Nation long enough know that I not only spend a considerable amount of time asking hot celebrities to father my children, but I also wile away the hours by frequently tweaking and experimenting with the look, feel, and features of this blog. Design-wise, I optimize this site for Firefox because that's the browser that I've been using for a very long time.

But I double my design workload by also making sure Bamboo Nation is optimized for Internet Explorer (IE), even though INTERNET EXPLORER IS THE WORST WEB BROWSER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Now why would I subject myself to IE's horrible, unfriendly, defiant nature, which raises my blood pressure, causes me to pull at my hair, and makes me want to stab daggers in my eyes? Well, it's because I love each and every one of you so so much. You see, according to my Google Analytics, while the majority of you have wised up about the Internet and what's good for you, nearly 40% of you—40%!—still insist on hanging on for dear life to Internet Explorer, even though INTERNET EXPLORER IS THE WORST WEB BROWSER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Yes, I'm doing it all for you. BUT I HAVE HAD ENOUGH, AND YOU HAVE TO STOP ABUSING ME.

The rest of this post is for the 40% of my dear readers who still use IE. I love you, I really do, but:

Aside from the desire to preserve my sanity, there are countless other reasons why it's time for you to join the people of the 21st century and dump Internet Explorer right now. I know, I know, I'm not a tech guy, so you don't believe me. Well, don't take it from me. Tons of other computer geeks will tell you the exact same thing and give you specific reasons, like this guy or this guy or this guy or this guy. (Scroll down to the comments sections of those sites to see why even current versions of IE still suck.) There's even an entire website dedicated to driving a stake into Internet Explorer's dark dark heart.

IF YOU ARE STILL USING INTERNET EXPLORER, switch to any other browser right now. It will actually make your life easier, safer, and faster. Here, download Firefox for free. Or Opera. Or Safari.

If I can get my Internet Explorer readership down to under 10%, then I will be okay with not worrying about IE optimization, and, if the blog looks like crap in IE, so be it. SWITCH YOUR BROWSER NOW. Because if you don't, I will come over to your house and I WILL BEAT YOUR INTERNET EXPLORER TO DEATH.


  1. Explorer? Hell, I'm still using Netscape! Why aren't you optimizing for MEEEE?

  2. Jonny, you are much too cool to be one of the 0.07% (actual Google Analytic statistic) of douchebags who still use Netscape.

    Whoops. There goes my Netscape readership. Goodbye, guy in a tree in Central America! Thanks for visiting!