Never Look Back (Except Now)

Fame! I Wanna Live Forever; or Fame! Makes a Man Take Things Over
May 9, 2004


After my play reading last week at the New Conservatory Theatre Center in San Francisco, some of the actors and I headed around the corner to Judy's, our default watering hole, a straight bar with a bizarre cast of characters—mostly drunk middle-aged men who think we're famous because our photos appear from time to time in free local newspapers that most people don't even let their dogs crap on.

A bunch of rowdy guys were gathered around the bar when we entered. They were enraptured by the T.V. and were emitting sports-minded hooting and hollering every once in a while. We tried to ignore them, but they were too loud and enthusiastic. At one point, an ear-piercing cheer erupted. I looked over to the T.V., expecting to see the instant replay of a touchdown or home run or race car crossing the finish line. But what I saw was none of these things.

The barflies were watching the Scripps National Spelling Bee Competition. I scrunched my eyebrows: "What the fuck?!" It was truly one of the most bizarre things I had ever seen, these guys feeling the agony of a mispelled word and riding high on every correct answer.

Competition of any kind, apparently, raises our blood pressure and involves us deeply. The ebb and flow of success and failure, which is a major theme in all our lives, is encapsulated and summarized for our immediate digestion in competition—of any and all kinds. It's like seeing your life flash right before your eyes. No wonder there's a beer in your H-A-N-D.

[Be the first to find the incorrectly spelled word above, and you win a blow job! (Not necessarily from me. I have access to farm animals.)]

12 comments:

  1. Just guessing -- is it "barflys"? (If it is, I'll donate my prize to Mike Valentino :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. The incorrectly spelled word is, ironically enough, "mispelled" (should be "misspelled"). At this point, I wouldn't even turn down a farm animal, so...bring it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's the entire last sentence that's incorrect.
    "No wonder there's a beer in your H-A-N-D" should've been, "No wonder there are already several beers in you."

    (I think adoresixtyfour is correct)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Adoresixtyfour wins! There's a fluffy sheep on the way.

    ReplyDelete
  5. (Not necessarily from me. I have access to farm animals.)

    AHAHHAAHHAHAAHHAAH!!! Oh Prince, you kill me. Ahahahahah!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Even blogging is competitive. It looks like all us shmucks are trying to out-wit one another on a daily basis. As for me, I just want to be the top comment-leaver-person on Prince's blog. Look out, Varvel, I'm gunning for you!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This bar is now called 2LIPS, which sounds like an unfortunately named lesbian bar.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ha!
    If Prince winds up getting full access to YOUR gun, Valentino (with Bekki's permission and blessing, of course), then I will eagerly and willingly go down . . . er, step down, that is.
    It will be more than worth the sacrifice - especially if I get to watch!
    Bring it, beotch!

    ReplyDelete
  9. God damn, Varvel! You just keep commenting! How do you do it?

    ReplyDelete
  10. My lust for Master Gomolvilas, as well as my respect for his own drooling lust, knows no bounds.
    I am on my knees for him.
    V v. V, 2008.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Wait...is that a "fluffy" sheep or a "fluffing" sheep? Or are they, in this instance, one and the same?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Jeff, that is a travesty of justice!

    Adoresixtyfour, same thing. :)

    Mike and Peter, fight for me! FIGHT! With your shirts off!

    ReplyDelete