Monologue Madness

[In 2007, I was asked to write a "postcard play" for the Playwrights Foundation's Brunch With a Playwright fundraising event. Plays were printed on postcards, scattered on tables, and attendees were encouraged to read them aloud to the others at their table. Here's mine, titled Announcement.]

(Note: For full effect, don't announce that you are beginning to read this play. Just begin.... Character "A" stands. Uses a spoon to tap a glass to get the table's attention.)

A: I have an announcement to make. Sorry I didn't memorize it. I wrote it down here on this postcard, and I'm going to read it to you now.... What I am about to tell you will change your life. Not only that, what I am about to tell you will reframe the way we have seen the history of the world AND alter the course of humankind.... I am running for President of the United States of America.... "Who are YOU to run for President?" you may ask.... Every generation has its promised land, and every generation has its Jesus. Now I'm not claiming to be Jesus.... But I DO have better hair. And I CAN lead you into the promised land.... I'm looking forward to hearing about the issues that are important to you during the course of today's brunch. Thank you.

[The following year, I decided to go a bit less metatheatrical with a two-character play called Brunch. Here it is.]

(Two characters, "A" and "B," at a dining table.)

A: I love brunch.

B: You do?

A: I do. Brunch is the perfect remedy for a hangover.

B: You're hungover?

A: I'm always hungover.

B: What'd you do last night?

A: Blacked out. I don't know. I do seem to recall a waterbed, handcuffs, and a pony were involved at some point in the evening.

B: Eww.

A: Nothing sexual! I'm not into that kind of thing.... At least I don't think I am. But when you black out, you never know.

B: This is the weirdest first date I've ever had.

A: I need a Mimosa.

1 comment:

  1. Is THIS where Britney got the idea for her last album's title?