Pathetic or No Pathetic?

A couple days ago I played the Deal or No Deal DVD Game. (It was gifted to me by Paige and Ed, who had come to Glendale with Brent, Lynnette, and Paul, for dinner at The Cheesecake Factory, where we all ate enough food to feed a Third World country.)

The DVD game is pretty elaborate—Howie and the models interact with you on the actual Deal or No Deal set. So it's like you're really there! Except you're not. You're sitting in your apartment alone, pressing buttons on the remote control, as the endless expanse of time stretches right outside your window and the nightlife of L.A. is just getting started without you, and, even though the disappointment you feel from winning only $300 is a fake disappointment because the game is not real, that feeling is tangible enough to send you into a temporary state of depression, and, since the unexamined life is not worth living, you do so, because, after all, you have all night, and, in fact, you have all life, to contemplate its meaning and/or meaninglessness.

Maybe I should get out more? Maybe I should hire a dog walker to take me around the block at least once a day?


  1. Oh, the sweet siren call of the video game. They make you feel so good, yet so bad. I had a problem with The Sims a few years ago. I spent 30 hours playing in a weekend. The dear, sweet, enabling ex brought me meals and I only got up to go to the bathroom. It was awesome and hooooorible.

  2. Ha ha ha, ADDICTED! Remember the early days of the Sim games? Remember Sim Ant?! That one drove me crazy with addiction.

  3. Anonymous9/10/2008

    Where's your boyfriend? I thought you had a boyfriend. That's what boyfriends are for. They're supposed to save you from having nights like that.

  4. awww. Shoot. I'd happily volunteer to take you around the block if I lived near you! Can you put Pork Chop on a leash?

    By the way -- There is this crazy fucking bitch who thinks it's great idea to tie her white cat to a bench in her front lawn every day and it makes me nuts. The poor cat is really social and just wants to GO SOMEWHERE and it's like watching someone slowly die driving by that poor, white cat every day. It just sits there and watches the traffic pass by. Obviously it can't do anything because it's tied there. But, it seems like it really sees us. One day, I approached in person to pet the cat, and the owner came out all chirpy and happy like tying a fucking cat to a bench alone in front of a ranch house was NORMAL. And, just to get under the radar I talked to her (nicely, of course.) and she acted like the cat really wanted to be tied on a short leash all day "because he's so friendly and loves people!" And I commented on how tight the collar was and she just said "I know! Otherwise he'd just go away!" to which I thought "no shit, Sherlock." And then I realized I couldn't call Animal Control, because his life is far better than being in a pound, but still -- It looks lonely and depressing. I don't have a clue why I felt I needed to share this with you.

    I guess I just wanted to say. I'd love to hang out with you if you lived near me and fuck anyone up in LA if they don't know how much fun you are.

    So, why don't you have a BF?

  5. The BF is out of the country, and I am left alone to procrastinate and avoid my script work and lesson planning for my class. Luckily, friends try to pull me away from Deal or No Deal, class is happening soon, and, most importantly, Pork Chop pours sweetness and light into every moment of the day--I just have to remember to pay attention.

    By the way, the poor white cat is probably fine. My secret guru tells me that animals are "eternally present," which doubles for meaning that the cat is probably content right where he is, despite appearances. At least he gets fed. I hope. :)