Race Wars, Part 2

Posted by Prince Gomolvilas
ON Thursday, November 20, 2008
[Read the first installment of "Race Wars."]

Malaysian blogger "The Constantly Dramatic One" of Dramatic Musings recently wrote a post titled "I'm racist. You're racist.... So what happens now?," which explains why she harbors prejudice against Chinese teenagers and white people. (Can you blame her?) Her blog prompted me to write a little bit about something that's been on my mind for a while:

Have you ever been out to dinner at a restaurant with a group of white people and then subsequently been out to dinner at a restaurant with a group of Asian people? If you have had experience with both, then you know what I'm about to say.

White people can't figure out the bill for shit! They take a really long time attempting to figure out how much their portion of the check is, and the money that is eventually collected will inevitably be substantially short of the total. The bill then gets passed around and around and around until one person in the group is so frustrated with the state of things that he or she will cover the remaining balance in order to preserve the sanity of the collective.

With the Asians, it's a whole different story. Asians—even the ones bad at math—will calculate what they each owe rather quickly, and there will usually be more than enough money at the end, and cash winds up getting redistributed back to everyone in the group.

It's true, bitches!

Does this happen to you too? Do you know what I'm talking about?
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  1. Jon Hunt Said,

    You KNOW I agree -- I'm the guy you're probably specifically talking about, I always stare at the bill, start to cry a little and go "SOMEBODY ELSE FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT NOW!"


  2. Peter Varvel Said,

    Ha ha ha! Yes, this IS true!
    Why did I think you were going to end this post with "With Asians, everyone eats 'family style,' so everyone simply and efficiently pays 'family style,' too?" LOL


  3. Wooo hoo fuck yeah! Never had meals with white people before...but the Asian part is pretty damn true. In fact I whipped out and use my calculator, the one on my phone to figure out how each person have to settle.


  4. ere's what guineas do: get the waitress to split the check for you. That is their job. Surprised you didn't think of that one, Mr. Smartypants!

    Oh, and I just had a post entitled Culture Wars. I'm not gonna check the post date on Race Wars 1, but instead just assume that I came up with the concept first and call you out on plagiarism. Mmmm, Blog Wars?


  5. Peter Varvel Said,

    MV, as a former server who has waited tables for half of his lifetime, I wanted to let you know that we fuckin' HATE it when you ask us to split the damn check for you. It is way too time consuming, and the measly tip that you leave ain't worth the extra effort.
    Not that I'm bitter . . . have I ever been your waitress?

    TCDO, check out the song "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist" on youtube, from the musical "Avenue Q!"

    Prince: And also, white people put way too much soy sauce on their food when dining in any restaurant with Asian cuisine.


  6. Anonymous Said,

    I agree with Varvel on the issue of whether you should ask the waitperson to split the bill, or whether your party should do it themselves. Waiting tables is time-pressured to begin with. When you throw in a big party that wants you to write 5+ different checks, it can actually cause the waitperson to lose money because s/he ends up neglecting other tables and gets shitty tips from them. I think a good waitstaff works hard enough w/out having to do unreasonable extra work.


  7. Jonny, ha ha ha! Guilty as charged! :)

    TCDO, you see, Asians will whip out their calculators when necessary. White people will just sit there staring at the check, hoping that Jesus will intervene at some point.

    Mike, splitting the check is SUCH a white person thing to do. See above comments by Peter and Anonymous. Whenever I'm at dinner and someone at my table asks for a separate check, I sink in my chair a little.


  8. Varvel and Prince- Maybe I've waited tables before. Maybe I haven't. It's still their fucking job.


  9. I just re-read this post and I stand by what I said. It's their job.


  10. Jess Said,

    Screw that. You guys need to dine with a group of rich white people, then you will have the pleasure of sitting back and watching the men fighting over which one of them will pay for the entire bill.


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