When Whore Pit Vipers Attack

Posted by Prince Gomolvilas
ON Monday, May 11, 2009
I haven't blogged about The Celebrity Apprentice all season because, since my friends react to my addiction to the show with disdain, I assume nobody else watches it and nobody else cares. But fuck it. The original seasons of The Apprentice, its two celebrity seasons, and even the U.K. version have given me so much joy that I want to shout my love off of rooftops.

Because I was on a writing deadline last night, I couldn't see the epic live 3-hour season finale of The Celebrity Apprentice in real time, so I had to watch it later and was up until 3 a.m., witnessing comedian Joan Rivers go head-to-head with poker champion Annie Duke. Man, my blood boiled any time Annie came on screen all season long, so I was rooting for Joan all the way.

Before this season of Celebrity Apprentice, I didn't really have an opinion about Joan, but this 75-year-old tough mother (refreshingly candid and jokey about her own plastic surgery) is now adored by me, and, goddamn, I'm so happy she won.

Their final boardroom showdown is one for the history books. And, as vicious as the attacks get, my favorite part is when Annie says, "For six boardrooms, I sat here and acted professional," and Joan corrects her by emphatically declaring, "Professional-ly." Ha ha ha ha ha! Watch:



Perhaps the most memorable scene all season was the firing of Melissa Rivers (Joan's daughter), who had a complete meltdown, who yelled at producers with fury, who refused to do the customary post-firing interview, and who lashed out at her competitors by calling them "whore pit vipers." For giving the world that phrase alone, the show should be praised. Think of someone you despise. Scream out "whore pit viper!" Don't you feel better now?

Melissa's meltdown was such great television that Entertainment Weekly even reported about it. And, yes, there is video available. Watch:



Alas, the show has been renewed for 2010. Bring on the whore pit vipers!
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4 Comments

  1. I'm SO glad you blogged this, because Pete and I are totally addicted to this show -- And, like you, agree that Melissa Rivers's hissy fit was astonishing.

    Dang, those women are fierce.

     

  2. Paige Song Said,

    Finally, I am caught up after an 11 hour marathon Apprentice viewing session and a major media outlet blackout. I was able to avoid the outcome DESPITE eating lunch next to Penn Gillette on Monday who was LOUDLY discussing the finale with a gang of friends. As a white trash poker player whore pit viper...I am so proud of Joan Rivers!

     

  3. Louise, now that I know you and Pete love this, we now can chat endlessly about it next season!

    Paige, I am very proud of you for your successful media blackout. You see? It was totally worth it for the thrills!

     

  4. Yes, I know it's because I'm so cultured and even attended prep school (briefly.)but, naturally I adore Celebrity Apprentice, as well as other "reality" (love that) TV.

    -- Wife Swap, Trading Spouses, Anonymous Apprentice, Survivor, Top Chef, Project Runway, The Fashion Show, I Can't Believe I'm Still Single (Yes, that really is what it's called.) and now, America's Next Top Model, My Life On The D-List, Extras (I love Ricky Gervais) and my Friday night date with Pete, Bill Maher.

    As for non-reality TV...It's not as much, I guess. I love Breaking Bad, Mad Men and...gosh, there has to more than that, isn't there?


    I liked "The United States of Tara," but never finished watching it. I should, I liked it a lot.

    Any suggestions for me? I know Pete's heavily into 24, Heroes, The Office, Chuck, 30 Rock (the last two, actually, I have come to love, but it took a while.)

    Oh, how could I forget? Of course, and American Idol, but my kids and husband made me watch it until I got hooked. It wasn't like I had much choice in the matter for a few years. But, I really enjoy it, now. I like Simon, quite a bit, actually.

     



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