Sarah Crazypants Palin Boils My Blood; Plus, Levi Johnston Boils My Blood Too, Only in a Different Part of My Body

I don't typically wish ill-will upon anyone, but Sarah Crazypants Palin ignites my latent need to deride, insult, and throw up in my hands. And she provided so much fodder this past holiday weekend—she announced her resignation from her position of governor of Alaska in a rambling speech that only a nutty aunt could match; her attorney threatened to sue The Huffington Post, MSNBC, The New York Times, and The Washington Post for libel; and she posted a defensive message on her Facebook page that was supposed to justify the fact that she's a—there's no other word for it—quitter.

And Palin's spokesperson is as nonsensical and evasive ("the world is literally her oyster!") as she is, as demonstrated by the spokesperson's appearance on Anderson Cooper's show. Watch Cooper's eyes start to glaze over and then watch him scratch his head in WTF?! confusion at the 4:30 mark:

Oh, and how I'm looking forward to hottie Levi Johnston's tell-all tome about the Palins, if anyone will publish it. But I'll settle for him running around shirtless on a movie set. (The New York Post reports that he wants to be in pictures.)

Yes, I know, I know, Levi still needs a lot of work. According to a fantastically informative feature in GQ:

Levi was mostly monosyllabic at that first lunch. He didn’t know me yet, and he didn’t trust me yet, and really, even when he came to know and trust me, he was still mostly monosyllabic, but the syllables took on greater depth.


[Levi's manager] is working to contain and reduce in frequency Levi's homophobic outbursts, instituting a new philosophy of "versatility."

Just put him in a room with me for five minutes! I'll show him versatility!

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