The breaking news that Levi Johnston will be posing nude for Playgirl is perhaps the greatest piece of information that I have ever received in the history of me being alive. Seriously, I have tears of joy in my eyes just thinking about it.
I've been sitting on a ton of Levi Johnston speculation (thanks, everybody, for e-mailing me stuff!), but decided not to blog about it because all of it just seemed too fantastical to ever become a reality and I didn't want to end up sorely disappointed—Unzipped, a gay porn magazine, offered him money to see his bare man-spear, and StraightCollegeMen.com offered him $25,000 to masturbate on camera. As if to cocktease his fans out of every single drop of pre-ejaculate that they had in them, Johnston said that he would take off all of his clothes if the price was right: "It depends on the money, man. It's gotta be right for that."
Well, I guess the money that Playgirl offered was right because he's going to do it. The formal contract has not yet been signed, but Johnston's attorney claims that the nude photo shoot is a "foregone conclusion."
HOWEVER—and this is a big HOWEVER—"nude" can mean a number of things when it comes to a magazine like Playgirl. He could very well elect just to show his bare ass and be done with it. No gay publication or video site would let him get away with such prudishness, I tell you.
So, upon reflection, I'm thinking that I'm jumping the gun here. Perhaps its best to go back to my nightly prayers for Levi Johnston to appear before me in all his full-frontal glory. I heard that collective prayer is stronger than individual prayer. Will you help me? PLEASE?!
In the meantime, we will all have to settle for a video of Levi Johnston putting nuts on his tongue. Watch:
Remember not so long ago when Levi seemed like a poor lost little puppy when he opened up to Tyra Banks? Watch:
My, he's come a long way since then, finally wielding some power in those aspects of his life that he can. Wield it, Levi, wield it! And then stick it in!
[Thanks to Diana S., Jamie C., Jason T., and Jeff.]
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[Update 11.23.09: Levi Johnston's naked Playgirl photos have finally been leaked! Read more here.]