My Name Is Prince, but I Am Not Funky

Posted by Prince Gomolvilas
ON Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Earlier this year, I received a series of e-mails from a girl who for some reason thought I was the musician Prince. At first I thought it was a just a lame joke (because who would think that the musician Prince's personal e-mail address would be so easy to obtain?), but, as the e-mails progressed, it became clear that this girl was seriously deluded. I figured it was because she was either very young or didn't understand technology or something like that.

I stupidly replied to the first e-mail to humor her, but she took that as an invitation to write more. Beyond my single e-mail, I didn't respond to her again.

Here, then, are all the e-mails I received from her; I have edited out her name, e-mail address, and phone number (which, by the way, has an Oklahoma area code):

from: R.
to: Prince
date: Sat, Apr 25, 2009 at 11:03 AM

happy birthday!
i hope your wishes come true.And that you are happy.
and you get what you might wish for.i love you!!! .and i hope
you have an awesome birthday.and your music is really awesome,
and so are you.and maybe i can meet you someday.
who knows,maybe i will.but i can keep dreaming.
and i wish u can come to my birthday is on july 2.
but im moving in im gonna have a earley birthday.
but i wish you can come before i move.cause i love you so very much.
but i don't have to.if you don't want to.
but i'll see ya later,but have a great birthday!!
love,your friend(maybe)


from: R.
to: Prince
date: Sat, Apr 25, 2009 at 3:17 PM

i took a love calculator test.and for some reason,i put my name(R.) then i put your name(Prince).when it was said......79%,perfect match.Get Married .then i took another part of the test and it.said...the combination might be hard to match.while the gemini is constantly on the aleart for change,the cancer ,on the other hand ,is satisfied to become a truly domesticated partner.however ,the cancer moodiness may become too much for the gemini to cope with.there would be a better compatibility in relationships where the women is a gemini and the man is a cancer.thats what it said.(but i think it makes no diffrence).
But.i (try to)write music sometimes.with my friends.but i plan to be a singer.but i might wanna go solo.and i was wondering if i can maybe......write a song(lyrics)for you.but i'll show you 1 of the ones i wrote anyway.bye bye


from: R.
to: Prince
date: Sun, Apr 26, 2009 at 8:54 AM

Me and my friends wrote a song for someone (you)

My friend came up with the name of it
it's called "(baby) I always loved you"

baby I always loved you.
but all this time,you
never knew.

I had deep feeling's for you.
you have no idea
(maybe) I'll see you again

again,and again.(baby)
I wanna go to your place.
cause i wanna see you face.

All I wanna do is...
tell you to your face.
I love you baby.

so so much (you)
are my world
i love you so

I wanna tell you to your face
baby i always loved you
everyday and night.

I wanna hold you tight.
close to me,forever baby.
baby i always loved you.

baby i always loved you.
tell me that you love,me

baby i always loved you
maybe,you can come to my place.
I wanna see your face.
I been thinking of you.
everyday and night
I wanna hold you tight.

baby i always loved you.
maybe,you can come to my place.
I wanna see your face.
I been thinking of you.
everyday and night.
I wanna hold you tight

(Repeat till fade)
that's the song hope you like it.
talk to you later!


from: R.
to: Prince
date: Sun, May 3, 2009 at 6:08 PM

I love your music.And if ever met you.I would love you as a person.And not just a person with money.i would love you for just who you are.And i bet your a really great person.inside and out.
my number (XXX-XXX-XXXX)
(i promise not tell anybody about this)
and if i don't answer my phone.
i went to my friends.or i have to baby can call whenever you want.
I'll talk to you later.


from: R.
to: Prince
date: Mon, May 4, 2009 at 11:25 AM

Hope your birthday wishes come true.
And you'll always have people who love you,
like me.And I want to let you know.That I will
always love you.No matter what happens.
I will always love you.And your a really awesome person.
And i bet your a good person.(on a diffrent subject),I had many dreams about you.
There was this one dream I had about you.Where we were holding hands.And I was
laying my head on your lap.And you stroking my hair (head).Then i said "I love you".
well happy birthday


from: R.
to: Prince
date: Thu, May 7, 2009 at 5:39 PM

me and my friend write are own songs sometimes.
If you want to hear some.Just call this number (XXX)-XXX-XXXX.
If no one anwsers,,,we went some where.
(diffrent subject)
I had this dream where you where laying by my the middle of the night.
And you had your arms around me.and me saying i love you.then you said i love you to.
then I layed my head on your lap.and you were stroking my hair (head) and you and i said at the same time "i love you".i really love.i bet i'll love also as a person.bye bye


from: R.
to: Prince
date: Sun, May 17, 2009 at 7:20 PM

happy birthday.i love u.bye...


from: R.
to: Prince
date: Mon, Jul 20, 2009 at 5:33 PM

Your music is awesome!!!!!.Ever since i saw the video "When Doves Cry" i have had sexual fantascy's about you all the time.(I still do!) This feels akward for me,But I love you!!! alot.(still feels akward!) here's my number (XXX)-XXX-XXXX.If i don't anwser (my phone is dead),or just leave a voice mail. (pleaseeeee!) Love ya
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  1. Cheryl Said,

    No fair, I only get wrong-number emails for Harry Potter book editor Cheryl Klein, and they're boringly literate and respectful.

    I like how R. lets you know that if she doesn't pick up her phone, it's because she went somewhere. She's got shit to do, okay?


  2. Erin M Said,

    Um, Prince, of *course* she continued to write back. Wouldn't you write again if your hero wrote back to you and you knew where to reach him? Especially if you were young/uneducated/deluded or whatever she is. Some friends of mine had a long-term pen pal relationship with Robert Smith of the Cure bc he answered a letter they sent, and they wrote back. He even visited them the next time he was in town, so hey, why wouldn't a person try? Gotta let her down easy, my friend.


  3. Awwwwwwwww. I agree with Erin. Let this girl down easy, darlin'.


  4. Well, I certainly can't write her back. It's dangerous! But she hasn't written since July so maybe she's gotten the hint--Prince is busy making albums!


  5. Annie Said,

    "Repeat till fade." Love it.

    As a devout Prince fan (I like you too, Prince, but my love for the purple one is that deep, grade-school kind of love), I feel for this girl. I used to have sexual fantasies (fantascy's) about Prince, too. Of course, I was about twelve, which is probably close to R.'s age.

    The head-in-lap thing is pretty disturbing. You made the right choice ignoring your emails--the last thing you need is some cowboy Dad from Oklahoma pounding on your door!


  6. Annie, I'm not sure I want to know anyone in Oklahoma.

    ...Wait. Do I have any Oklahoma readers? I'm going to go check my stats. BRB.


    ...Okay, in the last day or so, it looks like I had one visitor from Oklahoma. Hmm....


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