My Name Is Prince, but I Am Not Funky

Earlier this year, I received a series of e-mails from a girl who for some reason thought I was the musician Prince. At first I thought it was a just a lame joke (because who would think that the musician Prince's personal e-mail address would be so easy to obtain?), but, as the e-mails progressed, it became clear that this girl was seriously deluded. I figured it was because she was either very young or didn't understand technology or something like that.

I stupidly replied to the first e-mail to humor her, but she took that as an invitation to write more. Beyond my single e-mail, I didn't respond to her again.

Here, then, are all the e-mails I received from her; I have edited out her name, e-mail address, and phone number (which, by the way, has an Oklahoma area code):

from: R.
to: Prince
date: Sat, Apr 25, 2009 at 11:03 AM

happy birthday!
i hope your wishes come true.And that you are happy.
and you get what you might wish for.i love you!!! .and i hope
you have an awesome birthday.and your music is really awesome,
and so are you.and maybe i can meet you someday.
who knows,maybe i will.but i can keep dreaming.
and i wish u can come to my birthday.my birthday is on july 2.
but im moving in june.so im gonna have a earley birthday.
but i wish you can come before i move.cause i love you so very much.
but i don't have to.if you don't want to.
but i'll see ya later,but have a great birthday!!
love,your friend(maybe)
R.

###

from: R.
to: Prince
date: Sat, Apr 25, 2009 at 3:17 PM

i took a love calculator test.and for some reason,i put my name(R.) then i put your name(Prince).when it was done.it said......79%,perfect match.Get Married .then i took another part of the test and it.said...the combination might be hard to match.while the gemini is constantly on the aleart for change,the cancer ,on the other hand ,is satisfied to become a truly domesticated partner.however ,the cancer moodiness may become too much for the gemini to cope with.there would be a better compatibility in relationships where the women is a gemini and the man is a cancer.thats what it said.(but i think it makes no diffrence).
But.i (try to)write music sometimes.with my friends.but i plan to be a singer.but i might wanna go solo.and i was wondering if i can maybe......write a song(lyrics)for you.but i'll show you 1 of the ones i wrote anyway.bye bye

###

from: R.
to: Prince
date: Sun, Apr 26, 2009 at 8:54 AM

Me and my friends wrote a song for someone (you)

My friend came up with the name of it
it's called "(baby) I always loved you"

-----------------
baby I always loved you.
but all this time,you
never knew.

I had deep feeling's for you.
you have no idea
(maybe) I'll see you again

again,and again.(baby)
I wanna go to your place.
cause i wanna see you face.

All I wanna do is...
tell you to your face.
I love you baby.

so so much (you)
are my world
i love you so

I wanna tell you to your face
baby i always loved you
everyday and night.

I wanna hold you tight.
close to me,forever baby.
baby i always loved you.

baby i always loved you.
tell me that you love,me
baby.....

baby i always loved you
maybe,you can come to my place.
I wanna see your face.
I been thinking of you.
everyday and night
I wanna hold you tight.

baby i always loved you.
maybe,you can come to my place.
I wanna see your face.
I been thinking of you.
everyday and night.
I wanna hold you tight

(Repeat till fade)
-----------------------
that's the song hope you like it.
talk to you later!

###

from: R.
to: Prince
date: Sun, May 3, 2009 at 6:08 PM

I love your music.And if ever met you.I would love you as a person.And not just a person with money.i would love you for just who you are.And i bet your a really great person.inside and out.
my number (XXX-XXX-XXXX)
(i promise not tell anybody about this)
and if i don't answer my phone.
i went to my friends.or i have to baby sit.you can call whenever you want.
I'll talk to you later.
bye!

###

from: R.
to: Prince
date: Mon, May 4, 2009 at 11:25 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Hope your birthday wishes come true.
And you'll always have people who love you,
like me.And I want to let you know.That I will
always love you.No matter what happens.
I will always love you.And your a really awesome person.
And i bet your a good person.(on a diffrent subject),I had many dreams about you.
There was this one dream I had about you.Where we were holding hands.And I was
laying my head on your lap.And you stroking my hair (head).Then i said "I love you".
well happy birthday

###

from: R.
to: Prince
date: Thu, May 7, 2009 at 5:39 PM

me and my friend write are own songs sometimes.
If you want to hear some.Just call this number (XXX)-XXX-XXXX.
If no one anwsers,,,we went some where.
(diffrent subject)
I had this dream where you where laying by my side.in the middle of the night.
And you had your arms around me.and me saying i love you.then you said i love you to.
then I layed my head on your lap.and you were stroking my hair (head) and you and i said at the same time "i love you".i really love.i bet i'll love also as a person.bye bye

###

from: R.
to: Prince
date: Sun, May 17, 2009 at 7:20 PM

happy birthday.i love u.bye...

###

from: R.
to: Prince
date: Mon, Jul 20, 2009 at 5:33 PM

Your music is awesome!!!!!.Ever since i saw the video "When Doves Cry" i have had sexual fantascy's about you all the time.(I still do!) This feels akward for me,But I love you!!! alot.(still feels akward!) here's my number (XXX)-XXX-XXXX.If i don't anwser (my phone is dead),or just leave a voice mail. (pleaseeeee!) Love ya
Name

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BAMBOO NATION by Prince Gomolvilas: My Name Is Prince, but I Am Not Funky
My Name Is Prince, but I Am Not Funky
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BAMBOO NATION by Prince Gomolvilas
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