[For Parts 1 and 2, read "Mad Props From Seattle" and "Mad Props From Seattle, Part 2."]

Even more mad props for The Theory of Everything in Seattle! Here's the full write-up on Seattlest.



Visit SIS Productions.

Okay, here's a big-ass helping of cute. The following video clip features an 8-week-old Sumatran tiger cub that makes you want to reach into your computer screen to hug and kiss him. Watch:



Wait a minute. Did the newswoman say, "Jerusalem's Biblical Zoo?"

...I just replayed it again, and she did! It's real! It's real!

Back in film school (yeah, I'm one of those), my favorite class was a survey of film noir—that dark, quintessentially American genre of crime, double crosses, and femme fatales. Even though the noir period lasted roughly just a decade (the early 40s to the early 50s—and arguably even less), its influence has been seen in many movies since.

While a number of contemporary films certainly owe a debt to the films noir of yesteryear—via iconic characters, similar plot devices, and a penchant for moral ambiguity—very few capture the atmosphere and underlying feel of film noir as well as director John Dahl's pair of moody thrillers, Red Rock West and The Last Seduction. Both made their debut on cable television (HBO), where they garnered so much acclaim that they were eventually released in theaters in 1994.

In Red Rock West (written by Dahl and his brother Rick), Nicolas Cage plays a drifter with a bum leg who rolls into Wyoming, looking for a job, only to be mistaken for a hitman. His "client" gives him a bunch of cash to off his wife, and Cage grapples with what to do with his mistaken identity before a number of twists and turns threaten to do him in.

Because it's set in the present and shot in color, Red Rock West's film noir elements and motifs seem anachronistic—but delightfully so. It's at once nostalgic and contemporary, suggesting that some things don't change, that the dark side of everyday people is as prevalent now than it ever was. And perhaps its underlying message is glummer than those mid-century thrillers: look how little we've evolved after all these years.

Watch the trailer:



The Last Seduction, written by Steve Barancik, may not be as excitingly plotted as Red Rock West, but it features a fierce, funny, sexy, unforgettable, star-making performance by Linda Fiorentino, who plays Bridget Gregory, a femme fatale to end all femme fatales. Her performance really is the final word on the matter, and it's shocking to me that she isn't one of the most sought after actresses in Hollywood. While she did win many accolades for this movie, The Last Seduction was disqualified for Academy Awards because it had premiered on HBO before its theatrical run. I remember when her snub created a bunch of hubbub back in the day, prompting many people to urge the Academy to bend the rules.

Bridget hides out in a small town after stealing a shitload of drug money from her lowlife husband (Bill Pullman) and spends a chunk of the movie trying to convince the big lug who falls in love with her (Peter Berg) to commit murder for her. In the course of two hours, she lies, cheats, steals, manipulates, schemes, and, because of her smarts and sexiness, controls everyone who falls into her path. You can watch the trailer here, but I think it gives away too much:

The sleepy town of Vassalboro, Maine, just celebrated the opening of the Grandview Topless Coffee Shop, where its shirtless waitstaff of seven women and three men (who were selected out of 150 applicants) serve up pricey java ($3) and cheap thrills (free if you're over 18).

According to the local paper:

Elvis Thompson, 32, of Brunswick, was the lone male waiter at the coffee shop Tuesday morning, though he said there are two other male waiters.

Thompson, topless and wearing black boots and black shorts, said he was laid off from another job two weeks ago and then saw an advertisement for the coffee shop.

During the first day, Monday, Thompson said he waited on two ladies, one of whom told him she had been opposed to the business but now she thinks it's great.

Hmm. I wonder why she thinks it's great all of a sudden. Maybe the waiter allowed her to tweak his nipples? Now that's enough to sway even the most hardcore Puritan.

Anyway, as you may have guessed, the business has been a source of controversy. I don't know why. I want a topless coffee shop in my town!

[Update 06.04.09: Someone tried to burn down the Grandview Topless Coffee Shop! Read more here.]

In Bamboo Nation's latest contest, you were asked to guess how many pounds is the dumbbell I use to do bicep curls. Well, folks, the answer is 12! Yes, that's right—to assert my manliness, I lift 12 whopping pounds worth of weight! I could punch the shit out of a nine-year-old!

The winner is "Diana," who will receive a gift certificate for one whole pound of See's Candies. Yes, I'm trying to fatten you up in time for Thanksgiving dinner. E-mail me your mailing address, and I will put your grand prize in the mail. If you do not claim this prize by Saturday, February 28, 2009, then the candy will go to someone who deserves it less than you!

[For Part 1, read "Mad Props From Seattle."]

More mad props for The Theory of Everything in Seattle, this time from the Northwest Asian Weekly. I don't read reviews of my plays (or do I?), but I hear this one is great. Read the entire article here.



Visit SIS Productions.

The Seattle production of my play, The Theory of Everything, just got mad props from Seattlest (the Seattle arm of SFist, LAist, and Gothamist), which called the SIS Productions presentation "one of the best onstage right now." Yay! Go! Read more here.



Visit SIS Productions.

There's a commercial for Danmer Custom Shutters that makes me laugh every time I see it on TV. Amidst the serious sales pitch is a shot of a woman flourishing in front of her white shutters while holding a container of cleaner and a roll of paper towels. Whether the sound is on or off, I spit out my Diet Coke in delight.

I've been wanting to show you this ad for a while, but, alas, I couldn't find it anywhere on the internet, even though Danmer has a YouTube channel. They've posted testimonials and such, but no TV commercials, much to my chagrin.

So, I did what any good blogger would do—I left a comment on the Danmer page, asking them to upload the aforementioned TV spot. And guess what? They did!!!!!

Hurry up and view this now before they take it down after realizing that we're all laughing at them and not with them. (But, hey, Danmer people, all publicity is good publicity, right? Plus, my blog will get this one video more views than you've gotten for all your posted videos combined! Leave this up forever please!) Watch:



Do you realize how dedicated I am? I went through all that effort to give you a split second of fun!

(I've replayed that lady spinning a half dozen times already—how many times did you replay it?)

Before the first session of Writing Is Rewriting even started at East West Players' David Henry Hwang Writers Institute, I asked the students to read five plays that I said we would reference often in the workshop. The reading list I compiled comprises narrative plays (as opposed to experimental pieces), but each of the plays approaches its narrative in stylistically and structurally different ways:

• Durango by Julia Cho is about a Korean-American father and his two sons on an emotionally wrought road trip. I chose this play because it tells its story in short scenes (there are 19 total, which is a lot for most plays) and it's very clear from scene to scene what the character's objectives are and what tactics they use to get what they want. (Here's more from the New York Times.)

• Six Degrees of Separation by John Guare is about a man who dupes high-society New Yorkers into believing he is the son of Sidney Poitier. The play's thematic canvas is wide, and it's fascinating that how the play is told—characters recounting anecdotes to each other and sometimes directly to the audience—contribute greatly to its meaning. (Here's more from the New York Times.)

• God's Heart by Craig Lucas is a challenging love-it-or-hate-it play that, for the most part, takes place in a shared dream between its three main characters. I am struck by how Lucas handles weaving in and out of multiple, head-spinning storylines and by how he manages to elicit deep sympathy for his characters, even though we're not watching them in the "real world." (Here's more from the New York Times.)

• Collected Stories by Donald Margulies is about the increasingly conflict-ridden relationship between a college writing student and her professor. Many beginning playwrights these days are so influenced by the speed of movies and television that I thought it was important to take a look at a play that was only two characters and six scenes—to demonstrate how to stay within a scene for a long period of time while keeping it interesting. (Here's more from the New York Times.)

• Hamlet by William Shakespeare needs no introduction or justification, even for a Shakespeare-phobe like me. Don't pretend you've never recited the "To be or not to be" monologue in your bathroom mirror while whacking it. (Wait. I'm not the only one who's done that, am I?)

Go forth and learn, young playwrights!

Which branch of the United States military is the greatest? Why, it's the Marines of course! And it's not just because Marines are most likely to show up in and get busted for starring in gay porn—it's because they dance while they work! Watch:

Loren and I were at the Academy Awards screening and after-party hosted by Fox Searchlight at the One Sunset in West Hollywood. We were there for a few hours before we got a series of text messages and phone calls from Gabriel.

You see, as the Oscar ceremony progressed and as Slumdog Millionaire (a Searchlight picture) kept racking up wins, it was becoming clear that Gabriel's HBO party would be far inferior to our Searchlight party. He wanted in.

GABRIEL: Can Loren get us on the guest list?

PRINCE: Loren can't talk to you right now because he's chatting with Zachary Quinto.

GABRIEL: You can't get us in?

PRINCE: Oh, Serena Williams just walked through the door—I gotta go.

Sorry, Gabriel. Hope you had fun hanging out with the second-tier extras from Carnivale.

Some other highlights from the evening:

• Since Slumdog Millionaire is a Searchlight film, the restaurant erupted into raucous applause and cheering every time the movie won an Oscar. Of course, when Best Picture was announced, it was pandemonium—the entire establishment erupting into an impromptu "Jai Ho" dance.

• While the buffet of fine food was fabulous, it was the whole if-you-sit-where-you-are-people-will-keep-bringing-food-to-you thing that was the real culinary highlight. Imagine a seemingly endless stream of hot waiters offering you as many lemon tarts and red velvet cupcakes as you wanted. I should've experimented with saying, "Feed me!," because they probably would have.

• Okay, starfuckers, this paragraph is for you. Aside from the key Slumdog cast and crew being there, other celebrities that were present included: Eve, Tyrese Gibson, Danny Glover, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Emile Hirsch, Zachary Qunito, Britney Snow, Serena Williams, the tall scruffy dude from Undeclared, and the guy from Chuck. (Here are press pics from the party.)

• The reason I was fortunate enough to go is because Loren works at Searchlight, where he whips up content such as this:



Ah, the benefits of membership.

When a disgruntled ex-boyfriend opened fire on a woman in Kansas City, Missouri, her life was spared because her hair weave stopped a bullet! No, I am not kidding. Watch this (unintentionally?) hilarious news segment:



[Thanks to Nicole Fineman for sending me this.]

A woman spends more than two minutes trying to get 9-1-1 to send police to straighten out her wrong order at a Burger King drive-thru window. The dispatcher's growing irritation is delightfully palpable. Listen to the audio clip here.

[Thanks to Scott Heim for sending me this.]

On a somewhat regular basis, I do dumbbell exercises at home to affirm my manliness, especially after my repeated viewings of videos like this. So, for Bamboo Nation's latest contest, all you have to do is guess how many pounds is the dumbbell I use to do bicep curls. Am I a helpless weakling? Or am I stronger than I look?

The winner will receive a gift certificate for one whopping pound of See's Candies! That's enough to send you into a diabetic coma!

Anyone in the world can enter. Leave your guess in the comments section. If you're not a Blogger member, you can comment anonymously and leave your name or initials; when I announce the winner, you'll know if you won and all you have to do is e-mail me. In the event of a tie, the winner will be chosen randomly from all correct guesses. The deadline for guesses/entries is Thursday, February 26, 2009, 11:59PM, and it is one guess/entry per person. The winner will be announced on Friday, February 27, 2009—and must claim his/her prize via e-mail within 24 hours or the prize will go to someone else.

So, dear readers:

If this is not the best performance by a drag queen in the history of the world, then, at the very least, it's the best entrance by a drag queen in the history of the world. Just wait for it...wait for it...wait for it.... Behold, Miss Tandi Iman Dupree! Watch:

Since I wanted to be the final authority on the most noteworthy films of 2008, I decided to release My Top Ten Favorite Movies list the day after the Academy Awards. Isn't that ingenious?!

I saw more than 100 movies that were released in 2008, so it was tough to narrow them down to ten and even tougher to rank them. But I did it anyway. I wrote new text about the first four films, while I used excerpts from my previous posts (when available) for the rest of the list.

This post is not an attempt to sway public opinion (after all, objectivity was not the goal; rather, subjective adoration), but an effort to point some of you in the direction of films that you may have missed and that you may find great satisfaction in. I love these movies, and I hope that at least a handful of you end up loving them too.

1. The Fall



It is not an exaggeration to say that The Fall generously offers some of the most original, arresting, and rapturous images ever committed to film. Director Tarsem's labor of love—it took four years to make in 18 different countries, in between commercial-directing gigs—tells the epic tale of five mythical, mismatched, anachronistic heroes who travel stunning landscapes and get into fantastical scrapes in order to seek revenge upon the evil Governor Odious.

Those who dismiss the movie see it as over- and self-indulgent, obsessively embracing style over substance. But those who love it see substance dripping off every shot of this beautiful and deeply affecting masterpiece.

The adventure is framed by the smaller story of an American stuntman and a Romanian girl in a 1920s Los Angeles hospital and their tender friendship—he's the one who spins her this epic yarn, and, in exchange, she sneaks him drugs he's not supposed to have.

One broken man's redemption through the love a child is moving and gratifying, sure, but Tarsem (working with cowriters Dan Gilroy and Nico Soultanakis) are getting at something more—an intriguing statement about the art of storytelling (for Tarsem, more specifically, it's about the art of cinema), about the symbiotic relationship between artists and audiences, about artistic ownership, and about how imagination can be more transformative and necessary than truth.

In an age when fake memoirs are the greatest literary controversies of our time, The Fall shuns simplistic questions such as, "Is this story true?" The more apt question, the more timeless question, is, "What is truth?” The Fall is smart enough to ask that question. And it's even smarter to suggest that coming up with an answer is a shared task—between the movie and you.

[Read my original post about The Fall here.]

[See the trailer here.]

2. Rent: Filmed Live on Broadway



At first, I questioned whether or not it was appropriate to include Rent: Filmed Live on Broadway on this list. After all, it's not really a "movie," per se—it's a filmed document of the final Broadway performance of Jonathan Larson's groundbreaking musical, which ran for 12 years and exposed tourists to bohemian artists, drug addicts, gays, lesbians, drag queens, the homeless, and persons with AIDS.

But I finally decided to include it and rank it high for several reasons: I absolutely loved it, I saw it twice in the theater in the same week, and I think that it is so unmistakeably and distinctly cinematic.

Cinematographer Delcan Quinn and director Michael John Warren's 16 cameras swoop in for close-ups and deftly navigate through set pieces, delivering a level of detail that could only be captured on film. Even I, who had seen the show on Broadway twice (once in the third row), experienced Rent in a way that I never had before, and this movie completely reframed my understanding of the show and reaffirmed my love of this musical—in a way that the disappointing 2005 Rent film adaptation never did. (It also helps that the cast of Rent: Filmed Live on Broadway is excellent across the board.)

Sure, the show is dated, but, even as a period piece, the songs are still so alive and present, jolting you into an awareness and appreciation of the power of theater and of cinema.

[Read my original post about Rent: Filmed Live on Broadway here.]

[See the trailer here.]

3. Slumdog Millionaire



Although it's sometimes hip to be contrarian, I'm going to reveal to you my populist heart by embracing Slumdog Millionaire. I know some of you are saying, "Wait a minute—a foreign-language movie set in India with no recognizable stars and a relatively modest budget is populist?!" But this audacious, funny, violent, wildly romantic tale of a boy growing up on the streets of Mumbai and searching for his lost love via Who Wants to Be a Millionaire is so irresistible that I'm even going to take my mother to it because I'm certain she will adore it. And let's face it: Danny Boyle and screenwriter Simon Beaufoy and company have fashioned one of the greatest love stories ever.

[Read my original post about Slumdog Millionaire here.]

[See the trailer here.]

4. Love Songs (Les Chansons d'amour)



Although Love Songs (Les Chansons d'amour) is shot on location in Paris (with "extras" in the background who turn to the camera because they don't even know they're in the movie) and although it often displays a documentary aesthetic, the film veers far away from the kind of realism you'd expect, instead opting for an alternate French reality in which characters—entangled in straight, bisexual, and gay love affairs, without the burden of those pesky labels—wear their hearts on their sleeves by expressing exactly how they feel through matter-of-fact dialogue and a dozen or so gorgeous, heartfelt pop songs.

Director Christophe Honore and composer Alex Beaupain's beguiling film is populated by characters who seem emotionally schizophrenic, navigating scenes that wildly shift moods at the drop of a tune. It's like watching a bipolar musical. And the fact that it doesn't collapse under the weight of its own naivete and its French New Wave conceits is a wonder. How can a movie mired in melancholy (after all, the entire story hinges on an unexpected tragedy in the first act) also enchant you with its charm, its sense of play, and its thirst for passion? In every way imaginable, Love Songs defies logic—as demonstrated by its audaciously romantic final shot. And that's why I love the film as much as the film loves me.

[Read my original post about Love Songs here.]

[See the trailer here.]

5. Man on Wire



Excerpt from previous post: "Filmmaker James Marsh primarily structures his documentary as a heist film, by having the very animated, talented, and obsessive French tightrope walker Philippe Petit narrate his incredible story and by staging beautifully shot dramatic recreations that trace the motley crew's 'crime,' from its complicated planning stages to its suspenseful execution."

[Read my complete original post about Man on Wire here.]

[See the trailer here.]

6. Redbelt



Excerpt from previous post: "The Mamet-rigged cons and double crosses in Redbelt may not be as complicated and elegant as the ones in, say, The Spanish Prisoner, Spartan, or, my favorite David Mamet film, the criminally underrated (and unavailable-on-DVD) Homicide, but Redbelt towers over those films in terms of emotional resonance and giving the audience a hero that it can not only sympathize with but also root for."

[Read my complete original post about Redbelt here.]

[See the trailer here.]

7. Vicky Christina Barcelona



Excerpt from previous post: "Penelope Cruz is hysterically fierce; everybody else is uniformly terrific and real; and, despite its good spirits, Woody Allen's Vicky Christina Barcelona is somewhat of a tragedy, a sad meditation on the complexities (and impossibilities?) of romantic love."

[Read my complete original post about Vicky Christina Barcelona here.]

[See the trailer here.]

8. Son of Rambow



I don't know why I didn't write about Garth Jennings's fantastic movie when I first saw it last summer. But this story about two boys who bond while attempting to shoot a sequel to First Blood is very funny and perfectly sweet.

[See the trailer here.]

9. Milk



Excerpt from previous post: "I think Milk is Gus Van Sant's best movie since 1989's terrific Drugstore Cowboy—and that's saying a lot, considering he's made ten features since. Arty types like to complain about the schematic nature of biopics, but I have never minded their predictable structure. For me, it's all about learning more about the person being profiled, and this film certainly delivers, filling in my gaps of knowledge about Milk, the gay rights movement in the 1970s, the inner workings of city politics, and the early days of the Castro, San Francisco's gay district, where I used to live and love.... But the movie—well-written by Dustin Lance Black—also boasts Van Sant's artful vision, combining actual news reports, archival footage, recreated photographs, and documentary-like filmmaking, a collage of styles that suggests the delirious nature of memory."

[Read my complete original post about Milk here.]

[See the trailer here.]

10. The Strangers



Excerpt from previous post: "The Strangers has its share of good scares (I don't think I've ever heard so many terrified girls screaming repeatedly in a theater), but it's the movie's expertly taut atmosphere and its unrelenting commitment to dread that makes it deeply, deeply unsettling. You see, first-time filmmaker Bryan Bertino (someone give that man a cigar or a blow job or some kind of reward) eschews such pesky cinematic notions as plot and character, opting instead for a simple structure (our two lone heroes fend against three bloodthirsty motherfuckers in the middle of nowhere) and sticking to that with an obsessive glee. Sick bastard."

[Read my complete original post about The Strangers here.]

[See the trailer here.]

Lastly, I have chosen ten movies to designate as Honorable Mentions (listed in alphabetical order):

• American Teen
[See the trailer here.]

• Baby Mama
[Read my original post about Baby Mama here.]
[See the trailer here.]

• The Incredible Hulk
[Read my original post about The Incredible Hulk here.]
[See the trailer here.]

• Iron Man
[Read my original post about Iron Man here.]
[See the trailer here.]

• Let the Right One In
[See the trailer here.]

• Re-Cycle
[See the trailer here.]

• Run, Fat Boy, Run
[See the trailer here.]

• Saving Marriage
[Read my original post about Saving Marriage here.]
[See the trailer here.]

• WALL-E
[Read my original post about Wanted here.]
[See the trailer here.]

• Wanted
[Read my original post about Wanted here.]
[See the trailer here.]

I just now updated my status on Facebook to read, "Prince Gomolvilas is crazy busy. Like a crack whore on a Friday night." Because I am. By this weekend, I have to turn in the production draft of a script, lesson plan for the first session of my new rewriting workshop, and read three plays—while attempting to cram in three different parties in three different parts of town. So: I am taking the rest of this week off from Bamboo Nation.

In the meantime, this post is directly soliciting your comments that will help continue to shape this blog. 1.) I would like to know what kinds of posts you especially enjoy here on Bamboo Nation—this will help me know that I should keep on creating them, and 2.) I would like to know what kinds of posts you would like to see more of in 2009: more movie reviews? theater talk? music videos? writing tips? life advice? gay shit? what, what, what? This blog has seen an incredible amount of growth since the beginning of this year—the number of people who visit here has doubled!—and I would like to keep that momentum going. Help me out by letting me know what you think.

I shall return Monday-ish with a fresh batch of unbridled entertainment, including a brand new Pork Chop movie titled "Pork Chop Tries to Open a Container of Catnip." See you next week!

Lest you doubt the joy that Hugh Jackman will bring to the Academy Awards show, which he is hosting, witness him getting Punk'd by Ashton Kutcher in what is, I believe, the cruelest practical joke I've ever seen on this series. How celebrities handle themselves on hidden camera before, during, and after the prank tells you a lot. And Jackman just endears himself to you when he is made to think that he's not only caused a fire and several explosions to erupt at director Brett Ratner's house, but also destroyed the neighborhood. Watch:

Our friendly neighborhood Jake starred in a video that received the fine distinction of being a "Featured Video" on the home page of YouTube, racking up more views than a teenage all-boy slap fight. It may be few days late, but it's still funny. Watch "How to Survive Valentine's Day Alone":



Hey, Jake are you back in town yet? I want to put you in a cage battle with Gabriel.

The music video for Tom Goss's "'Til the End" features the most ethnically diverse cast of straight, gay, and lesbian characters I think I've ever seen. And the song is awesome! Watch and listen:



I found this gay, DC-based hottie on Facebook, which proves that Facebook is sometimes good for something. You can download the song for free here and go to his website to learn more about him and see a picture of him half-naked. (He strips for an album cover—enjoy it, pervs!)

Just in time for Valentine's Day: a 50-year-old Barbie preys on college boys. Watch:



[Thanks to Aaron Lee Fineman for sending me this.]

The stark reality of brainwashing and mind control that I attempt to achieve in each and every playwriting class I teach never changes and never transforms into the light and inspiration demonstrated by Lulu singing "To Sir, With Love" to Sidney Poitier.

And now I can further justify my groundbreakingly horrific techniques with a new Los Angeles Times article that covers East West Players' David Henry Hwang Writers Institute (where I teach) and the world premiere of Ixnay by Paul Kikuchi (who developed the play over the course of two workshops that I taught). I'm quoted a few times, even though I talked the reporter's ear off for almost an hour. Hey, I have things to say.

Read "East West Didn't Say 'Ixnay.'"

Yes, I know, I know, it's incredibly sexist for someone to compile a bunch of footage of just women drivers doing very bad things, but let's all overlook the gender issue for four minutes and enjoy the fun, shall we? Watch:

You've probably already seen the widely circulated video of David, the little boy who was whacked out of his mind on drugs after a trip to the dentist. (Click here if you still need to see it.) But have you seen the clip of Chad Vader, who had a strangely similar experience? Watch:



[Thanks to Superbadfriend for sending me this.]

This item is a tad old, but, hey, so are we all. A dog in Chile gets hit by a car on a busy freeway. While lying there motionless, another dog risks its own life to drag the injured animal to safety. Watch:



Contrary to the voiceover, the injured dog eventually died. And the hero dog was never found.

When Gabriel walked through my apartment door a couple nights ago after traveling around the world for four months, I exclaimed, "Hey, you're not old and fat! I thought you would come back old and fat!" That was my own special way of expressing my love, as Gabriel is one of my best friends. (In case you were wondering, yes, for many years now I have kept a continuously evolving Excel spreadsheet of my friendships, and I rank and re-rank them and categorize and re-categorize them on a regular basis. Seriously.)

Loren, on the other hand, shoved me out of the way so that he could show Gabriel something—something not to make Gabriel feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but something that would make Gabriel feel bad about himself and, in fact, all of existence.

Let me backtrack a little:

You see, Gabriel has always enjoyed lording things over Loren: Gabriel has a superior environmentally friendly car; Gabriel has superior camera equipment and video editing software; Gabriel has superior taste in music.

All that was fine and dandy, but the one thing that Loren could not tolerate was Gabriel's superior 46" flat-screen television. We would go over to Gabriel's house, and Loren would bristle with envy. The only small reprieve he would have from his bubbling feelings of rage would be whenever Gabriel would complain about the less-than-satisfactory "black levels" on his TV. Small comfort for big pain.

For the last four months, I have dealt with Gabriel's absence by replacing him with Jake. Loren, on the other hand, has dealt with Gabriel's absence by saving up money, researching televisions and HD technology, talking extensively to digital media specialists at Fox, and, eventually, buying a Panasonic 46" 1080p Plasma HDTV:



For the past couple of weeks, Loren and I have been in awe of the television. I have been impressed with the way HD has totally re-framed my understanding and appreciation of the viewing experience. Loren, on the other hand, likes to stare at the screen while whispering, "My black levels are better than Gabriel's black levels."

Back to the beginning of this story:

Gabriel was very impressed with the new TV—the HD quality, the vibrant colors, and, yes, the black levels. Although he did manage to criticize the color delay when shots quickly shifted from light to dark (no, I don't know what that means either), it was obvious that he was mentally trying to figure out how to get rid of his own TV and get a new one. A superior one.

After Gabriel left, Loren closed his eyes and smiled with satisfaction, a man who had finally reached the mountaintop after years of discouragement, ridicule, and struggle. "I can finally say," he declared, "at least in terms of owning a television, I am, for once, better than Gabriel Fleming."

After audio of Barack Obama cursing like a mofo started circulating online, I knew that someone was bound to do a dance remix. Well, it turns out that many people did, and I spent the better part of this morning listening to most of them. The following video is my favorite of the bunch, a short and groovy track called "Got Nothin' on Me." Watch:

Take a look at this sign (one of many) from the U-Washee laundromat in Richmond, Indiana. Guess what year this photograph was taken?

2009!!!!!

Having been born in Indianapolis, Indiana, I lose a bit of Hoosier pride here. Well, actually, all of it.

Bil Browning breaks it all down and shows you more pictures here.

There's a section in Barack Obama's book, Dreams From My Father, in which he quotes his high school classmate Ray, who swears like a sailor. Well, it tuns out that Obama recorded an audiobook version of the memoir, which means that you can hear our President actually saying things like:

• "There are white folks, and then there are ignorant motherfuckers like you."

• "Now you know that guy ain't shit. Sorry-ass motherfucker got nothin' on me, right? Nothin'."

• And my personal favorite: "You ain't my bitch, nigga. Buy your own damn fries."

Go here to listen to the all the cussing fun!

[Thanks to Isaac Butler at Parabasis for posting this.]

The following video of a tot in China has been doing the rounds on the Internet and has been sparking outrage from concerned parents around the world. But goddamn, you are going to laugh. Watch:



Attention, Chinese-speaking readers, I know that the baby curses—what does he say?

[Addendum: If the video does not play, then click this link to see it. It'll take a minute or so for the video to load, so be patient with the black screen.]

[Thanks to Superbadfriend for sending me this.]

My beloved Pork Chop is back. Watch:

From the Onion News Network, a roundtable discussion about skanky behavior escalates into a showdown between two women who may very well turn out to be role models for teen skanks everywhere. (The language in the following clip may not be safe for work.) Watch:

As you may know, when you type a few words into the Google search box, Google will suggest what the full search term may be, according to what other people are searching for. If you go to Google right now (as of this writing) and type in "I am extremely" (no quotes necessary), one of the top search terms is "I am extremely terrified of Chinese people." Seriously:



Well, you know what? You should be terrified of Chinese people! They're scary! They try to poison you! Seriously. Watch:



Now do you you believe me?

[Thanks to Angry Asian Man. ]

On Saturday Night Live, Seth Meyers smartly schooled Kellog's and USA Swimming for punishing Michael Phelps for his marijuana transgression. Watch:

I have a play opening in Seattle this month. In the theater company's press materials, I am described as "America's foremost Thai-American writer." Ha ha ha ha ha! These guys are bigger comedians than I am! Ha ha ha ha ha!

If you're in Washington, come see this show. You do realize that I keep a mental file of all the people who do and who do not attend my productions, right? I believe an entire movie franchise was even created around the fact that Asian people hold grudges.

SIS Productions
in residence at
Richard Hugo House
presents

THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING
by Prince Gomolvilas

directed by Manuel R. Cawaling
featuring Jose Abaoag, Stan Asis, Leilani Berinobis, Aya Hashiguchi Clark, Kathy Hsieh, Tiffany Koyano, Miko Premo, Sam Tsubota

Seven Asian Americans gather atop a Las Vegas wedding chapel every week and discover a unique personal bond as they each search for their own life's meaning. This vibrant and insightful comedy won the International Herald Tribune/SRT Playwriting Competition, the Julie Harris Playwright Award, and the PEN Center USA West Literary Award for Drama. A funny, moving, brilliantly written play about life and the meaning of existence by America's foremost Thai-American writer.

"A refreshing look at Asian-American issues of race, gender, and identity, layered with deeper questions of life and death. Gomolvilas's writing is tight, intelligent and funny.... Likeable characters and sharply written dialogue.... A play worth seeing for its humor and humanity." —The Business Times, Singapore

February 20, 2009-March 15, 2009
Fridays and Saturdays @ 8:00 p.m.
Sundays @ 4:00 p.m.
plus Thursday, March 12, 2009 @ 8:00 p.m.

Tickets:
$14 General Admission
$10 Student/Seniors/Theater Artists

Richard Hugo House
1634 11th Avenue
Seattle, WA 98122

For more information, visit SIS Production.
For tickets, visit Brown Paper Tickets.

If you're not in Washington, you can still experience the glory of The Theory of Everything—in book form. Buy it now.

When the following commercial came on when I was watching Punk'd, Ashton Kutcher's MTV prank show, I thought for sure that the product being advertised was a joke, an absurdly funny piece of imagination concocted by Kutcher and his crew. But guess what? The Prayer Cross is real! And it really does feature "a secret center stone, which when held up to the light, reveals the entire Lord's Prayer!" This TV ad is brilliantly layered with unintentional hilarity moment to moment—just when I think I'm done laughing, the announcer says something that makes me spit out my morning green tea. Watch:



You know, if the Prayer Cross actually does what it says it does, then it's a steal at any price. I wonder what you see when you stare into the following million-dollar jade necklace, aside from the image of a Chinese jeweler laughing at you. Watch:

Those of you living in the Los Angeles area (or who will be visiting the Los Angeles area) have a chance to win a pair of tickets to Letters to a Student Revolutionary at the National Center for the Preservation of Democracy in Little Tokyo in downtown L.A.—this is a $42 value! Here are details about the production:

LETTERS TO A STUDENT REVOLUTIONARY

by Elizabeth Wong

directed by Peter J. Kuo

featuring Carin Chea, Julia Cho, Edward Gunawan, Ruffy Landayan, Joon Lee, Nghia Luu, Sheila Tejada, Tina Tong

A special one-weekend only benefit performance to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the 1989 Tiananmen Square Massacre. Poignantly moving and at times disarmingly funny, LETTERS TO A STUDENT REVOLUTIONARY traces the decade-long correspondence and search for true democracy between two pen-pals—one Chinese, the other Chinese American—which ends abruptly with the 1989 Tiananmen Square Massacre. First staged in 1991, this is the first play in the United Stated to respond to the tragic historical event.

Saturday, February 28, 2009 @ 8:00 p.m.
Sunday, March 1, 2009 @ 3:00 p.m.* & 7:30 p.m.
*A panel discussion with human rights advocates & scholars will follow Sunday matinee 3:00 p.m. performance.

Tickets:
$15.99-$20.99

The National Center for the Preservation of Democracy
111 N. Central Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90012

For more information and tickets, visit addword productions.

For a chance to win, all you have to do is guess what my favorite song by The Jets is—you remember The Jets, that 1980s pop group from Minneapolis by way of the island nation of Tonga. To make it easier for you, I have embedded three music videos by The Jets—my favorite song is one of these:

"Crush on You":



"Make It Real":



"You Got It All":



Leave your guess in the comments section. If you're not a Blogger member, you can comment anonymously and leave your name or your initials; when I announce the winner, you'll know if you won and all you have to do is e-mail me your full name and the date/time you'd like to attend. In the event of a tie, the winner will be chosen randomly from all correct guesses. Deadline for entries is Thursday, February 12, 2009, 11:59PM. The winner will be announced on Friday, February 13, 2009—and must claim his/her prize via e-mail within 24 hours or the prize will go to someone else.

[Attention Theater Companies! Contact me if you're interested in doing a ticket giveaway in exchange for some PR, like what you see above. According to Google Analytics, Bamboo Nation receives about 15,000+ page views per month, and the top three locations for page views are Los Angeles, San Francisco, and New York City.]

I don't know how this dog's owner trained it to hate Satan, but I think they both now have a good shot at heaven. Watch:



[Thanks to Mead Hunter for posting this.]

• Okay. Now here's a novel I could maybe read and finish. Jane Austen meets George A. Romero in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. This book is real. Seriously.
[Thanks to Isaac at Parabasis and Alan Goy for posting this.]

• This pictorial movie review of Transporter 3 is absolutely brilliant.

• Sometimes dogs and cats don't like you to dress them up. Check out Pets Who Want to Kill Themselves.

• When in doubt...Naked Yoga!
[Thanks to Aaron Lee Fineman for sending me this.]

In Bamboo Nation's latest contest, you were asked to guess what one item I almost always order from the concession stand when I go to the movies. Well, whether I'm hungry or not, I almost always get...a small popcorn! I also typically drench it in butter and ask for a cup of tap water.

The winner is "C. Ignacio Portfolio!" ("JA" also guessed correctly, but that person just won the last contest.) And I can't believe Jake guessed incorrectly—that bitch has actually been to the movies with me multiple times!

"C. Ignacio Portfolio" wins two free tickets to Anthony Mora's Modern Love—e-mail me the date you would like to go, and your tickets will be at the door. The rest of you can still go to the show on your own:

MODERN LOVE
by Anthony Mora

Modern Love—written by a playwright who has been compared to Mamet, Pinter, Nabokov, and Chandler—follows an L.A.-based film producer turned writer/director whose obsession with his directorial debut takes him down a dark, precarious path.

Now through February 22, 2009
Fridays & Saturdays @ 8:00 p.m.

Tickets:
$20

Sidewalk Studio Theatre
4150 W. Riverside Drive
Burbank, CA 91505

For more information and tickets, visit Sidewalk Studio Theatre.

Thanks for entering, everyone! There will be a new contest shortly.