A Tortoise Rescues a Tortoise

First of all, I don't know the difference between a tortoise and a turtle. I'm pretty sure I knew at one time, probably in elementary school, but my memory retention is for shit. (Seriously. Don't walk up to me and act like I remember who you are.)

So, naturally, I went to Google and typed in "what's the difference between a tortoise and a turtle?" The San Diego Zoo tells me that a tortoise is "a land-dweller that eats low-growing shrubs, grasses, and even cactus" and a turtle "spends most of its life in the water." Ah. Yes. That's right. I knew that. And these are not to be confused with a terrapin, which "spends its time both on land and in water, but it always lives near water, along rivers, ponds, and lakes."

Well, enough of that. In the follow video clip, a tortoise flails around helplessly on its back. But a heroic friend saves the day! Tortoise, FTW! Watch:

By the way, when I went to do my Google search, after typing in "what's the difference between," Google came up with this list of possible search terms (based on what other people are searching). Click to enlarge:

The first two are actually jokes. The punchlines? Here:

1.) You can't peanut butter your dick up someone's ass.

2.) Santa only has three ho's.

I learned so much today.

(In related news, my post about Google suggesting "I am extremely terrified of Chinese people" features a ridiculous comments thread that will not die.)


  1. Santa only has three hos?

    That's great.

    My nextdoor neighbor has two tortle - turtoise things that practically scamper around the yard. They even have this big ball they play with.

    Gives me an idea to get me some video of it...

  2. You can create a viral sensation!

  3. Thanks for the non-feline animal video. You keep this up and one day I'll ask, "Whatever happened to those cat videos? Kinda miss 'em."

  4. It's back to feline business as usual tomorrow, Howard.