Ooh, Heaven Is a Place on Earth, Part 2

As you know, The Americana at Brand, that bastion of America's consumer hopes and dreams, just opened in my backyard this past weekend. I am happy (or sad?) to report that I have already visited there five times—count 'em, FIVE TIMES!

My second trip was Friday night with Loren, Gabriel, and Donovan, and we could barely walk through the complex because EVERYBODY IN THE ENTIRE SAN FERNANDO AND SAN GABRIEL VALLEY WAS THERE! It was insane. But we did get to watch the awe-inspiring fountain show, choreographed to Bobby Darin's "Beyond the Sea."

"You know," Donovan remarked, "that's someone's job. Fountain Choreographer."

I had never really thought about that before, but whoever it is deserves to make ONE MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR!

On Saturday, I took my mom. She looked through the windows of all the fancy shops and declared, "Everything's so expensive! I'm scared just looking! Is there a Ross here?!" THERE IS NO ROSS THERE, MOM!

We went to the multiplex to see Young @ Heart, a funny and moving documentary about seniors singing rock songs, but the best part of it all was that popcorn only cost a dollar. It was a special week-long promotion. Did you hear me?! POPCORN WAS ONE DOLLAR! I said to the concessions guy, "THAT'S AMAZING!"

On Sunday afternoon, I took Brent, and he was fascinated by the idea of the trolley running though The Americana. But I don't really think anything like this could really impress him—after all, the man works at Disneyland and gets to shoot hippos on the Jungle Cruise. A little train that takes you to The Cheesecake Factory must seem ghetto by comparison.

You know what did have an impact though? A slight breeze during the fountain show blew several gallons of water directly above our heads. We got so completely soaking wet that it was pointless to even move out of the way—we couldn't have gotten any wetter. So we just stood there to let the show run its course and to allow the world to witness our idiocy.

Sunday evening, it was Loren, Gabriel, and Brent again, this time for Iron Man and MORE ONE DOLLAR POPCORN!

Anybody who's been around me during the past few days knows that The Americana is ALL I WANT TO TALK ABOUT! Be warned.


  1. My mom tries to bargain at Ross. She also had a conniption when I told her I paid more than $100 for jeans. She actually started gasping for air.

  2. Good thing you guys didn't have to worry about parking!
    A theme park-esque ride that takes you directly to the Cheesecake Factory??!!!
    Okay, Prince, I'm convinced. I WILL visit in person!

  3. back in the land o'utes, i pay $10 for the bigassspecial....

    i love those old folks...

    and, ross? please.

    i shop tj maxx