Fuck Mike Valentino (Pick an Orifice, Any Orifice)

[It started here and here. And now it continues....]

The following is an excerpt from an actual online chat between me and a friend of mine. I have changed our screen names for the purposes of this post because I don't want rednecks from North Carolina trying to instant message me throughout the day:

FRIEND: how are you on this lovely evening?

PRINCE: writing some, music some, myspace stalking some
the usual

FRIEND: who are you fawning over now?

PRINCE: oh the straight guy from north carolina gave me access to his myspace photos!

FRIEND: how lovely


FRIEND: and yet still married

PRINCE: which makes him even hotter!

FRIEND: oh right, you like married men

PRINCE: no shirtless shots though


FRIEND: haha

PRINCE: he's 6'3"

FRIEND: i need to teach you a few things about stalking then

PRINCE: i could climb him!

FRIEND: i discovered the art porn shots of a guy i used to know in NC


PRINCE: good lord

i mean, good lawd

FRIEND: i think you have a thing for mountain men
you've probably got a subscription to colt

PRINCE: ha ha

no colt is nasty.... i suppose this guy is a rarity

in those parts

FRIEND: you mean in that he's not overtly inbred?

PRINCE: exactly

it's just secret inbreeding

Seriously, though, this bitch is fiiiiiiiiiine. I am going to spend the day downloading all of Mike Valentino's hot, mouth-watering, spankable MySpace pics and creating a photo collage that I will then use to wallpaper my computer's desktop. It's going to take me a while though because I have to Photoshop out the faces of girls who happen to be in some of those pics. You know, I'll just use the brush tool and black them out. No, I'm not going to Photoshop in my face in their place. That would just be weird.


  1. Anonymous7/31/2008

    Awesome picture. I'll be waiting for the picture of you climbing Mike (Photoshop doesn't count).

  2. This is better than a soap!

    Am too nervous to go to MySpace and ask to be a friend and see those pics... I'll just wait for your "enhanced" versions...

  3. In South Carolina and the "Deep South" (where I rep) they're called rednecks. Up in Appalachia country they're referred to as Hillbillys. and trust me, their is a big, big difference.

    if you climbed me my skinny chicken legs would snap like slim jims.

    hey, madley. i'm glad this is fun for you. i'm glad you find such amusement in other folks tears, anxieties, fears, hopes, dreams and aspirations. laugh it up. just laugh it up

  4. Anon and Madley, keep watching. This is the beginning of a long, beautiful, and sexy courtship that will inevitably end in an explosion of mutual man juice.

    And from now on, I am referring to Mike Valentino as a hillbilly.

  5. Oh my! (blushing) He spoke to ME!

    BTW, I read "tears" wrong and saw "tears" as in TEARING SOMETHING UP... so I've not been laughing at you, Mr. Valentino, actually my brain's a tiny bit in the gutter.

    I think it's all a bit sexy. ;)

    And now I'll leave you to your Prince...