Following Up on Foreskin, Babies, and Dick-Smelling; or Foreskin Envy, Part 2

We had fun talking about foreskin in a previous post, but there's oh-so-much more to say. First off, someone who identifies himself as "TLC Tugger" in the comments section really wants us to join in on the foreskin restoration revolution. You cut guys can do what you want, but I still think clamping a device on your cock made out of "sanded-down PVC pipe with medical tape, S hooks, and elastic waistbands from boxer shorts" is horrifying.

However, it's certainly not as horrifying as a guy getting circumcised at the age of...twenty fucking four! Oh, yes, Malaysian blogger friend Jason Phoon chronicles his quarterlife cut here and here and—this is the worst part—posted a video of his ceremonial flushing. Of his foreskin. Down the toilet.

For a sense of sanity, we have to travel to the backwoods of North Carolina of all places and into the mind of my BFF, Mike Valentino, who takes an impassioned stand for foreskin (which he refers to as deep-fried calamari):

Circumcision is wrong! It serves no medical purpose whatsoever...! I, like Sarah Palin, am pro-choice. I think the abortion decision should be left to the woman and her rapist, but once that child is born (this is for Rabbis, pedophiles, and parents everywhere) keep your hands off your child's dick!

Mike has more to say on that here.

Of course, Mike's wise words are almost cancelled out by a recent disturbing post in which he described Ricki Lake naked and giving birth in a bathtub as "probably the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

This love of babies, which I unwittingly perpetuated with that disgustingly cute baby-biting video, thankfully has a counterpoint, found through a kind offering from Misty of Popcultini, who informed me of the following cheeky and risque (and not safe for work) re-imagining of the aforementioned video:

Speaking of risque, remember Riskay, she of the infamous "Smell Yo Dick" song? Did you know that there's a slew of cover versions on YouTube? My favorite of the bunch is from this four-person self-described "choir" that performs an oddly moving acoustic guitar rendition:

...Closely followed by a cover by these three guys.

And that's all I have to say about foreskin, babies, and dick-smelling...for now.

[Addendum: Check out Part 3.]


  1. hahahaha. that picture is the greatest thing!

  2. What a sad subculture we've cultivated.

  3. Sad...but you can't take your eyes off of it.

  4. I can understand how rickety smelly crap from the hardware store duck-taped to your penis might be off-puting, which is why many of us restore with high-tech devices made of food-grade silicone. They grip the skin gently and allow us to grow about an inch of new skin per year.

    It's totally absurd what we go through to get back a measure of what was stolen, but more absurd is that it was permitted in the first place. 95% of the non-Muslim world does not circumcise. Most of the cut males on earth were not cut as infants.

    HIS body HIS decision.

  5. I recently showed my restored foreskin to Howard Stern.

    He showed more compassion than I'm picking up here.


  6. TLC Tugger is back! Ron, no lack of compassion here. I want you to have whatever your heart (and penis) desires. But for someone as squeamish as I am, I must continue to refer to foreskin stretching devices as "frightening" and "horrifying." It's not a judgment. It's stating how I naturally react to stuff like that, much like childbirth and placenta-eating in nature. :)

  7. It's not "stretching" (it's gentle tension causing the skin to regrow) and if it hurts, you're doing it too hard. If you think foreskin restoration is "horrifying", you've obviously never seen a circumcision.